Vent Thread

Roughly a week ago, Google spontaneously disabled my account, including Gmail, Drive, Photos, and YouTube, and it seems likely that all my stuff associated with Google’s services are gone: all my photographs backed up on Photos; all my documents on Drive; all my contacts and emails on Gmail; all my animations on YouTube, all fking gone just like that.
 
And It’s not just just Google’s services I’ve lost, but it’s things tied to my (Gmail) account that’s affected as well. I’ve had to go into a kind of damage control, trying to update all of my online accounts to my new Yahoo Mail. Most I’ve been successful, but others are questionable. I might even have a chance to lose my job because of Google fking me over like this.
 
All this because they claimed I majorly violated some poilcy agreement, whichever that f**king is. To say I am unhappy over this is…an understatment.

Well, it seems I owe the IRS $66, all because Wells Fargo sent me a 1099-C forgiving an old credit card debt. At least it’s not for the full amount of $4463.65.

@JesterKatz  
Happened to me a few years back too, because they deemed my content on youtube was too sexual, even though there’s way worse on youtube with millions of views. It was homophobic trolls flagging my videos really.
 
You really should never use Gmail for anything important. Protonmail is reliable, well-encrypted, and their servers are inside Swiss bunkers deep within a mountain. World War III won’t destroy your Protonmail account.

@OliverHancock  
I recall some years back, Markiplier did a live stream of his A Heist with Markiplier, which was a choose-your-adventure “game” on YouTube. Since there were diverging paths, Markipler told his fans to spam certain emojis as a form of voting to choose where to go.
 
Unfortunately, the spamming emojis caused an automated system to suspended the fans’ Google/YouTube accounts. Eventually, due to the outcry, the fans’ accounts were reinstated, though not without some casualty done to their data.
 
I wasn’t part of the streaming personally, but after hearing what happend, it occured to me how scary it was that Google/YouTube had the power to just shut down everything, it shook me enough to get a Dropbox account, and put my more personal stuff from Drive to Dropbox. But apperently I didn’t learn my lesson well enough…

I swear to God that the entirety of the management at my workplace is not only incompetent, but also tone deaf. They gave me THREE mainframe orders when they know I can only do up to two by myself in a single 8-hour period…even when combined with all my other responsibilities. They seem to avoid overtime at all costs, even if it means my own supervisor pulling some of her (big fat) weight. (They even actively avoid talking about overtime.)I get that paying me overtime eats into the company’s profits, but I’m doing almost twice as much work since I lost a valuable coworker 9 months ago. I deserve a little extra money in my pocket for all the bullshit I’ve had to put up with.

This goddamned headache… I swear no medication takes it away…

@_+KugelBlitz FlakPanzer+_  
I’m not a doctor, but if you’ve been having headaches for a while, maybe you’ve got sleep apnea. One way to test if this is what’s happening is to grab a bottle of this bad boy and take a few hits off of it when you wake up, or when your headache gets worse.
 

 
And if the headaches go away, then you might not have enough blood in your oxygen. And if that’s the case, you might have sleep apnea, which is basically ‘you stop breathing in your sleep so much you’re not getting enough oxygen’. If that’s the case, then figuring out WHY you stop breathing is good, and getting a CPAP machine (or building your own) will probably be crazy helpful, not just for the headaches but for energy levels and ‘wanting to do shit’ and everything.

@Ciaran  
Thank you. I didn’t know this product existed. It seems like a great way to test. I have a hard time grabbing the pulse ox fast enough when I wake up with a headache to see if that’s what it is, at least you get a conclusive result. but the idea of grabbing that and seeing if I feel better… That might at least combine to give me a good indicator. Really, I’ve been worried about this myself, even though I’m not that fat or old. I even quit smoking cigarettes over a couple weeks ago to see if that would help but results are as of yet inconclusive. Thank you much you might be a lifesaver here.

I am going to gouge out the eyes, cut out the tongue, and cut off the ears of the next sorry excuse for a human being that says some transphobic shit to me or my girlfriend.
 
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil bitch. If I don’t kill you, you’ll kill yourself after you think about what you did and why your life is ruined.

Kill your local terfs, and make general transphobes kill themselves.

Imagine the world where capitalism was something else, better or worse…
 
Still, a lot of us still wish for something else for sure at this rate.
 
Gotta live with that s@$# while it is still on.

I think I’m dying of an actual broken heart. It’s a long long story. Basically my best friend is gone from my life, and it was sudden and I have no idea what happened. This person gave me a second lease on life and it was burned right in front of me.
 
I’ve been suffering severe mood swings of happiness and depression, and it never stops. I haven’t felt such a horrible level of mental instability before. Top that with me downing caffeine to keep the suicidal thoughts from going away, I’m a restless mess. I can’t take a break cause I graduate from school just a few days from now and I have a lot of work to do.
 
I’ve gone from spacing out, having to check if I’m alive, to having my chest slowly tense up more and more, and the physical feeling that I’m going to die. And I can’t call for the hospital, so I’m trying to find a way to stop myself from getting myself killed.

Been hitting myself. Got banned from the hospital after fighting with people who were saying transphobic shit. I don’t know where to go. I wanna kill myself. I have a therapist appointment in a half hour… Hope it helps… Edit: oh for fuck’s sake I forgot to not hit the anon button what the fuck ever it was an accident. This is Oliver Hancock…

MY NAME SURE DOES LOOK GOOD IN PURPLE.
 
That last bit of magic is gone.

I feel so lonely and disconnected. :’(

@OliverHancock  
Well, things are more livelier in Derpibooru in chatting than here.
 
Less political shits as well.

@OliverHancock  
We’d probably be friends if you never threatened to dox me.
 
Although I’ll smile while slaughtering any lackeys you’d send to my home.
 
Fuck it. For what it’s worth killing your henchmen? We’d still be friends.

Gonna kill myself in an hour or so.

@FruityPWN  
Please go to the hospital.

@FruityPWN  
In case you are serious, please call 800-273-8255 or go to your nearest emergency room - they will be able to help you and can get you in touch with the services where you live that can help you through this.

@OliverHancock
 
@Ciaran  
Severely fucked my back up with my recent attempt…guess I’m not meant to die yet. Woke up in the emergency room, which is where I’m at.

@FruityPWN  
Ok, I hope that you have a good recovery without any lingering side effects.
 
That’s honestly why I’ve never tried suicide myself (even though my doctors say I’ve died a couple of times on the table). So often people just end up crippled or having to spend years reporting to someone when it goes wrong. Or, like Dr. Drew used to talk about on Love Line, when people step off of a bridge at the last second as they drop away from the railing they get a “Grand Mal Seizure” that resets their brain and they realize everything in their lives can be fixed - except for that whole “step off the bridge” part.
 
It’s like the human brain is specifically engineered to fuck with us until we hit the “big red button”, and then POOF it fixes itself.
 
I hope your near death experience (or to-death-and-back) leaves you filled with solutions and things to try. I’ve always found them especially invigorating, for months afterward.
 

@FruityPWN  
Whatever’s going through your head you better snap out of it.

I can’t see my forehead…

@ᏰᎯᎠᎻᎬᎯᏒᎿ  
You can’t just snap out of it most of the time, and honestly there are a lot of reasons to hate the world.
 
@Ciaran  
Don’t tell him that they’ll necessarily help him cause it’s not a guarantee. Last time I tried getting help I just got into a fight with a transphobic staff who was saying stupid shit and then I got kicked out, and most times it honestly doesn’t help and I just get sent to shitty doctors who give me shitty meds that don’t work. On the flip side, I did eventually find one that helps me sleep so it’s better than nothing. I have a good therapist too, and I’m glad I sent that asshole at the hospotal home with bruises.
 
 
@FruityPWN  
The point to take away isn’t to get false hope that they’re just gonna magically help you and that you can trust and rely on the system, it’s that you deserve better, you deserve to try, you have people who give a shit about you and there are diamonds in the rough, people in this godforsaken wasteland that get it, that will get you, and that you can be happy with someday. It just takes a long-ass time to find then and find your rhythm and shit. But you deserve to try. It probably doesn’t feel like that a lot of the time, but that’s one of those core beliefs you have to fight over and over again. You can overcome it.
 
I’m not saying you necessarily will. I’m not going to give you false hope and rose-tinted glasses. The world is a shitty, dark place, and not everyone is a fucking winner, certainly not us. I’m just saying, there is a future you can slowly build and find, with happiness and a purpose, even if it’s not everything you dreamed of and it still has a lot of bullshit in it. You can figure out how to be okay. I’m still figuring it out myself and there’s days I really want to kill myself too. But there are people who care, despite what you might think. I actually give a shit. It about ruined me when I saw your post. Not trying to guilt trip you. I just… Idk man, it messed me up seeing that cause I know I have wanted to help you and it sucks when you don’t know how to help someone. But I know you need it and you deserve it because I’ve been through it myself and I’ve seen and lost people I love because of it. It fucking sucks. So I’m not fucking giving up on you. I’m so sick and goddamned tired of seeing good everyday people who don’t make the world a worse place killing themselves while the real assholes out there who actually should off themselves are blissfully ignorant as ever doing their thing. I know your story man, cause you told it to me. You are hating yourself and your situation but it’s complete bullshit man. It’s not your fault, it just is what it is. You need to realize that it’s not your fault and that you deserve to feel better than this and move on and find happiness.