A guy dating one of my family members has possibly been sexually abusing a baby. I got abused as a kid. Some people in big business or government manipulate and ruin the lives of thousands or millions of people through endless corruption greed. There are people who do nothing all day but spam racist comments and bully people on social media. Those are the kinds of people who should be killing themselves, not you.
I see what you mean here, the root causes of most of the fucking problems.
Skills aren’t enough to survive this mess, luckiness as well.
Fuck summer… Too sunny, the heat…
(good thing I got air conditioner in the room now, but I am still cautious)
I hate how holding a knife is my way of coping now. Imagine being isolated since you were 15, and you do a bunch of dumb horrible shit and it worsens your mental state and when you’re 18, you meet a girl, and she’s the one who reaches out to you and helps you. You become fast friends, best friends even, you open your secrets to her, cause you genuinely trust her.
By the time you’re 19, you finally get out into the world, and get a job, and everything is going for you. You’re gonna try and sacrifice everything if you have to, just to get to another country to be with her… suddenly drama happens, both of us do dumb shit, and suddenly the friendship is over. It feels like a death of a close friend, and you fight suicidal urges for months.
Don’t give me fucking suicide hotline numbers, I don’t want that shit. Means nothing if I don’t actually have the money or resources to take advantage of it all. So fuck it. I still think if I kill myself, I kill myself and whatever. That or I end up in the hospital, left with a scar and a large bill.
Who gives a fuck anymore. I’m already mentally fucked up, I don’t have anyone I truly, truly, absolutely trust, any “happiness” I have I feel like is moreso a distraction. Honestly killing myself is dumb, I like the concept of bringing my mental pain into the physical sense. Maybe I’ll give myself a concussion again like when I bashed my head into hardwood. Don’t care anymore, sick of being reminded of how I might have lost everything that made me feel like I had a purpose… that I was truly loved… only to be abandoned. I hate abandonment, I hate it I hate it I hate it.
I wanna feel my pain but I’m too pussy to do it. I fucking just want to slash the arm somewhere and make a cut already and call it a day.
I don’t even know what I said.
Google deleted my YouTube channel and account today without warning and for unknown reasons. There goes 8 years, a lot of music and YouTube Poops and random videos. I think the thing that I feel the loss of the most is the people though. There were always those people that would comment on every other video ya know? Felt good to see the fans, even if there was only a dozen or 2 that were really fans as such… 5 thousand subscribers though… that meant something to me, even if the depression made it hard to make many videos in the last few years.
Got my first covid jab.
Got both mine a couple months ago. No side effects. I think over half the side effects are psychosomatic. Not denying that some people don’t get bad side effects. Just seems like the way that people work themselves up over the shot does a lot more damage to society and most people’s side effects.
Wish I had someone to love…
Fuck Comcast’s data caps. But at least they offer Unlimited Data for an extra $30 a month.
I am so fucking tired of being an Aspergers in a Neurotypical world, I always wished I wasn’t one my whole freaking life, this Aspergers is responsible of making many of my birthday parties end in disaster, and fucked my primary school life making my childhood fucking PTSD.
If I lose interest in living my semi-luxurious life, I will accelerate my death (by overeating) even further.
I’m feeling ready to go, I fight and fight and fight and the feelings get worse.
Try to have hope but it overrides the despair. Who knew losing a friend would fuck me this bad.
Feels fucking horrible. Crying at night for the last two nights. I feel like I’m snapping.
Living is tiring. So, so, tiring.
I’ll possibly try a crisis line but meh.
It’s even worse when they used to be your best friend and now they say “you cut your arms for attention” and other horrid bullshit, yet I keep believing there’s a good side to her.
But hey, I’m the wack ass, right? Just bent on scaring everyone I care about. It’s all bullshit really…
Yeah, you know, that’s bullshit. I tried to kill myself and I was left afraid, angry, depressed, and clueless as ever when I woke up in the hospital the next day, and I still am to this day. Seems like Fruity is too even though I’ve tried to be damn positive and I’ve been reaching out to him too trying to be a good person and do the right thing.
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