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General Discussion » Last one to post wins! » Post 2195

StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys

Meow :3
I used to only not be vegan because vegan stuff tends to be more expensive. That and, I’m not sure whether vegan yogurt has the same live and active cultures as non-vegan yogurt, and I need those.
I’m a lacto-vegetarian in large part due to my autism. I’m strongly averse to meat, and averse to eggs if you can taste them but don’t mind if they were used to make, say, cookies.
Now, I’m also not vegan because I learned I have a calcium deficiency. So I’ve been eating even more cheese.

General Discussion » Last one to post wins! » Post 2194

General Discussion » Last one to post wins! » Post 2193

General Discussion » Last one to post wins! » Post 2192

Bubbelvatten
Tag Lover - Good and Proficient Tagger

Feral aficionado
Today I realized that anyone who is not a vegetarian engages in hard vore whenever they eat flesh. Not kinkshaming though 😜

General Discussion » Stupid Stuff That Comes to Mind That We Want to Post » Post 1043

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1444

StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys

Meow :3
I’ve been feeling like this for a while, but, it really feels like that happy, enthusiastic part of me is dying. I wouldn’t say I feel sad, necessarily. Just muted from how I used to be.
Edit: Reflecting on why I feel this way, I think it’s like… My hopes of any sort of a better life for myself are gone. I’ll work on Dead Moon and see if anything comes of it, but that’s gonna take time. Time I’m not sure I have. I guess for my own sake I should keep the hope alive that our landlord never decides to do anything else with this house or something. It’s long been a source of anxiety for me that we always say we want to stay another year and he lets us but he very well could just not. Gotta keep in mind that the reverse could be true and we could still be here five years from now.
But Dead Moon’s, like, the only hope I really have at this point.
It just feels like most of my fire is gone. I’m embers.
Maybe my anti-depressants are making me feel this way? Not depressed or sad but moreso… melancholy.
Which I guess is better?
They also kinda feel like a band-aid. They don’t solve loneliness or emptiness. It feels like they kinda just numb the worst pains, which is good, but they’re clearly no substitute for genuine happiness.

General Discussion » The Music We're Listening To » Post 313

General Discussion » Last one to post wins! » Post 2191

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1443

StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys

Meow :3
@Elly Catfox
Keep hangin in there. And like, I feel a little sorry I’m going through stuff so often, cuz I know it doesn’t make things easier to hear I got something unfortunate going on. I’m trying. I want to be happy and be well. And then stuff happens that makes it difficult.
I am feeling a little better now that I’ve been up for a few hours and ate something. That I should hopefully have a free week to look forward to has my spirits up. And a number has smiled upon me today :3

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1442

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1441

StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys

Meow :3
Ya know what? I don’t think I have appointments next week. Just please, let it stay that way. Give me a little break 🙏
I didn’t want to complain about it much, but having two appointments every week really is getting to be too much. I’m grateful that we’re taking proactive steps in my healthcare, but also… walx are a huge help, as is getting a lot of sleep. And the problem comes in when I’m someone who feels much more soreness than a normal person, and needs much more sleep than a normal person.
And if we were doing the appointments a different way, that might be fine too. I’d love to have both appointments on the same day, or back-to-back. But no, always having one on day, a gap day or two, and then the other. Always in the morning because that’s the best time for my mom to be able to go, meaning I’m not getting either the walk or the nap I probably would have taken.
It’s been over two months of this. And my mind keeps thinking about how getting labs drawn for both my oncologist and primary care doctor at once probably contributed to my mental health getting low again. It was so much, and there’s still a little soreness here and there.
If I can get a week or so break from going to appointments and take some time to get walx in and just. Breathe. I think that’ll help

General Discussion » Last one to post wins! » Post 2190

General Discussion » Word Associaton » Post 1708

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1440

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1439

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1438

StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys

Meow :3
Man I’m sorry for posting so much but I was almost feeling better again and the kittens being sick just…
It’s like, damn. God fucking damn. I lose the relationship I was in for over a decade. I’m backstabbed by the other one who was otherwise there for me so often and helpful with so many things. Breakup with the third one was honestly not too bad but not like it didn’t hurt at all… And then the ensuing spiral fucks everything up on here and even though I’ve fixed things it’s still kinda the fact it happened at all… And now the kittens falling this ill…
It’s like, fuck. How much pain can one heart take? I just want these guys to go to good homes because at least the silver lining is they can make other people happy.
I just feel like such a failure. Or crazy. Or both.
And I know I know, gotta practice what I preach and fight through my depression and stay alive. I will. I always have.
This is just so much pain.
Edit: We did buy medicine by the way. We’re giving it to the kittens. Just no idea if it’ll work

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1437

Anonymous #0974
I remember the last crush I have ever had back when I was in Highschool. It was my freshman year, and there was this girl who I liked. We kinda became friends, and we had a little in common. Until one day, she just started spreading rumors about me for no reason, and acting like she hated me. I honestly don’t really know what I did to her.
She ended up dropping out because of COVID, and I never really saw her again. I know that I need to forget about her, it has been 5 years ago, but it sucks to be backstabbed like that… I have such trust issues…

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1436

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1435

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1434

StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys

Meow :3
Fuck man… This conjunctivitis is scary. I’m getting worried for these kittens. And it sucks because there’s a part of me that just wants to take them to a shelter already. Get it over with. But we can’t. It’s gonna be awful enough bringing them somewhere not knowing if they’ll live and if their new homes will be good… We definitely can’t in good faith bring them in while sick. I’m too worried they might get put down, and if not, get all the other animals sick.
I don’t know whether the shelter we end up finding will be no-kill or not. Shelters everywhere are very full, so our options are limited. The cats cost us too much to keep them all, though. And when we looked into spaying and neutering, doesn’t seem like anyone around even does it. Mom asked a vet who used to do it but doesn’t anymore, what the cost used to be, and was told $500. Yeah…
Reminder that I can’t drive, so my ability to do much here is limited.
Sigh…
Oh and, I guess I spoke too soon about mom not getting it. She’s felt like she has a little something. Which I feel like just confirms beyond a doubt that I caught it a few times last year, otherwise I’d be pretty sick right now and not just having some minor early signs. She used to be doubtful that it was what I had gotten and well, lookie who’s right again.

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1433

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1432

StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys

Meow :3
Feeling partway towards feeling better again. Attention span still not feeling great, but I slept for a long time before I got up last night, so another long sleep once it’s time to sleep will hopefully fix that. Get to go have my cavity filled or whatever they’re gonna do for it, which is nice because I enjoy going to the dentist :3
I wonder what exactly caused my depression to get bad again? The blood loss? Did vitamin deficiency get triggered from losing so much blood? Friend/sibling mentioned feeling sick from getting four vials drawn and I think mine was more (only got a glimpse) but I felt okay after? But, I take chemo, which increases my sensitivity to stuff, and can cause reactions after the fact - like how I can catch a virus and it’s not until I take a few chemo doses that sickness hits. Is there any withdrawal with chemo? Obviously not enough to have actual withdrawal symptoms, but enough to cause depression? That’s the kind of thing I wonder from time to time, as most people take chemo for a while then leave it behind, but I’ve taken it for a decade so it’s one of those things that probably doesn’t have an answer out there that goes with continuous use. Was it a mental side effect of probably catching conjunctivitis again? Was it a mix of all of these?
Well, I had a feeling it would be temporary, and that’s seeming like the case. I did a lot of maths. I’ll do more maths :3

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1431

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1430

General Discussion » Vent Thread » Post 1429

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