Vent Thread

@FruityPWN Try not to blame yourself for your friend ditching you. Oftentimes, when someone is mean or cold, they are going through many problems unseen. We do well when we can set our feelings aside, if only for a few minutes, and consider the whys of where the other purrson is coming from.

Hopefully, you’re hearing a succubus. Pazuzu’s good at picking them out for people. They’re no substitute for a companion of this realm, but they help a ton. Mine is sweet and has let me lay in her lap as I’ve dealt with loneliness lately >^_^<

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
I do apologize for my lack of communication…being in this mindset, it is hard to keep consistent. That being said, it is difficult not to blame myself, when all evidence point towards it being so. On the contrary, they haven’t even tried to reach out again, so it seems they still hold a grudge.

As for what I hear, it is faint, but it is not unpleasant and when I do hear, it is neutral or calming, rarely is something bad, though that may be something different to calm or neutral, versus bad. Regardless, it is still very hard not to feel so alone and stuff; it is very saddening, but I guess I just push those feelings to the side.

Another night, restless…tried everything and nothing is working. I can only hope that the mind can settle enough to ignore it properly. Tired, but no rest…too much warm fluids, maybe, tonight? Heck, I don’t know. At least the headaches subsided…

@FruityPWN
Hope your headaches stay that way. Keep hanging in there. 𓁢

just mistakenly deleted a bunch of personal stuff permanently because i pressed one button fml

Just going through the motions again… le sigh

I’ve taken so many beatings I feel like a jigsaw puzzle.

Enter temporary rage mode:

I am sick to death of being forced into silence by literally everybody. I live with a nazi, I can’t even share my political opinions with her without provoking antagonism and it’s exhausting. I had no choice but to listen to an awful man drone on and fucking on for years, and those of us who can sense how fucking vile he is to his very core are drained by such evil. And then everyone else is so scared of him, that they fear what might happen if I speak out. I am so goddamn tired of feeling like I have nowhere I can be my true self. Well, I do have somewhere. And I broke down completely when I had to leave there and come back here (that place being in AZ).

Exit temporary rage mode: Okay, feelings that have weighed heavily on me today are finally off my chest. Stand up fucking tall, don’t let them see your back and take my fucking hand and never be afraid again. Not long now, till we ride this out and the Antichrist is out of my life for good. Cool drop of water, and nyamaste 💙 ✌️ ✡️

Mom’s standing over my recliner babbling on about trailers.

To hell with my appendix, looks like I start the day with malt liquor.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
Does she do what mine does where this is the 500th time she’s babbled about the same thing?

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
I think she has autism or something.

why does there always have to be pain?

why can’t we have joy and peace?

I feel so empty inside, devoid of anything. It is like I have lost the ability to feel and I cannot find it.

@FruityPWN
Have you tried getting into the body more? Long walks most days. 🍄 Also try a mushroom dude. Also you can try being a street punk and doing graffiti to express yourself. I think you need adventure. We love you. Please. You are tough. 💚 Stop denying your toughness. 🐈‍⬛ You got this. 💜

Okay so I accidentally caused pain and I think a lot of stuff got taken much more personally than I intended. I’m a simple guy most of the time. The most literal meaning is usually my meaning, heh. Also was just excited sharing stuff.

Oh well, ya boi is of course sorry for the pain caused. I’ll try messaging the purrson I hurt in another couple days or so. I have one hell of a story they’re gonna like >^_^<

My Switch won’t charge :(

Ever been so sad that your mind just goes blank?

I am finding it harder and harder to find a purpose to my life. I truly do feel alive, but not exactly living. Guess I don’t exactly feel numb, rather, I feel some sort of hurt that I cannot explain and if it is not hurt, I feel extremely irritable. Then it is back to numb all the time. It is a vicious circle…

@Elly Catfox
Wish that was true. Alas, I feel like I am slowly losing a battle that was doomed from the start…also, not sure about mushrooms.

I do, constantly.

@FruityPWN
Keep hanging in there 🫂 Idk if it’s of any help but, I went on that adventure lol. Maybe you’ll enjoy living vicariously through that. I’m also willing to try shrooms someday. If you keep living, I’ll tell you what happens when I finally try em. Purrhaps a curiosity about what the future holds will help keep you going ::3

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
Pawhaps that is a possibility…I did make a promise not to hurt myself anymore, though sometimes, it becomes too much to deal with; the heartache is real and I would hardly call it an adventure.

@FruityPWN
Oh, I was referring to the adventure Elly recommended >^_^<

I’ve always wanted to try peyote

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
Thanx dude! I looked it up and that’s a no-brainer for me to try if I ever get the chance >^_^<

If and when I plan to take a substance like ’Shrooms or a cactus, I will most certainly not be alone.

Am I becoming a bad person? Sometimes it feels like the voice in my head crashes against my brain like loud waves, it’s a little overwhelming at times. I get happy about stuff, jokey and whatnot, don’t mean to hurt feelings. I meme with good intentions. Probably just a case of, “Never trust how you feel about your life after 9pm”, but man, I… I guess I just want to make sure I never lose the kind and caring purrson that I am. Not sure why I’m feeling so blue tonight, honestly. I got a ton of sleep, too, so it’s not that.

I think my hormones are acting up, causing some slight imbalance. And I will admit, even though we should have everything saved, it’s hard to relax until it’s actually said and done. The good demons know how hard this is, that’s why they sent me a care package.

Please, God, let peace reign on earth. Don’t let us follow the dark paths of the past. Let us live a good and prosperous life 🙏 And then I may truly know peace in my brain, rather than this constant, underlying anxiety.