Sorry to vent right on top of somebody else…but I must get something off my chest. I have been seeing a group of loved ones recently, like I really love them, but there is one simple thing. They say they love me back, but I don’t feel loved because actions speak louder than words…all they do is say, not do. I’ve seem been seeing them through rose-colored glasses and now, I’m starting to see them for what they really are. Backstabbers. They have yet to prove me wrong. It hurts because I really thought they were gonna be the ones I spent the rest of my life with. However, this doesn’t seem like it will be the case. I really want to believe in them, but lately, they’re making it really hard to even talk with them. Where’s the love, the spark? I guess I have to finally accept the fact that every time, I’m destined to fail. The end is near? Five years? You kidding? No? Well it is what it is because at the end of the day, I’m alone…I find this hard to be okay with, but there is nothing I can do about it. Maybe I’ll just punish myself again…thinking about bad stuff. I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all…physically or mentally.