Vent Thread

@ᎶㄖҜㄩ 乃ㄥ卂匚Ҝ
Shame, woulda been awesome to see the numbers line up like that :3

I’m aware this is not venting, but I lost 13 lbs/6 kilos, after a month of hardwork, going to the gym and shaping myself to the person who I am now, thanks to my Brother’s intervenion and my Coach’s help.

@ChickPea
Awesome job! Keep it up :3

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
Thanks!

@ChickPea
Always welcome, nya >^_^<

There’s always the next chance for when it reaches 654,321.

Implying you’re easy on the gas and go in for regular tune-ups of course.

Did you know that letting your vehicle idle adds hidden mileage?

I always prefer the outskirts and alternate routes to avoid traffic. The speed limit might be 65 but 25 is faster than being parked!

;-; Mom you’ve had too much wine

😬🎧💚☀️😮‍💨

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
I wanna know what his car is.

Tired. So very tired. I cannot seem to catch a break and it seems I am physically suffering. To why I have yet to cease is beyond me.

One must learn calmness. It can be very difficult at times. I’ll give my mom this: her aggression did weirdly allow me to get better at calmness and patience. I’ve had so many years to work on properly containing and channeling the rage, and I have something I’ve made that is both rage and love, and absolutely beautiful. I’m adding to it again, so I will share it when ready >^-^<

I did it for love. Cactus couldn’t handle yelling because of his dad who yelled, and it only made things worse with mom. Improperly channeled explosions will only harm people. Properly channeled ones are typically productive. Exercise, art, maybe other things but those are the two that come to mind right now. I wonder if a howl at the moon would work well as a substitute for a scream? That might be a possibility. A way to release energy. We must look out for our loved ones so we do not hurt them.

I do not know quite what the solution is here. I’m the only person my mom has. But she still has those abusive tendencies from time to time. It is incredibly stressful.

All I can do for now is reach out to the friend army and stay strong, I guess. We all go through difficult things, but it is better when we make some noise. At least, if noise is what we feel we need. Chosen silence is also valid, and every person worx through things their own way >^_^<

@FruityPWN
Oh my god do I know how that feels. I lowkey feel that way very often, except for the last sentence. I am dedicated to keeping going, and you should be too. I know it’s tough, but hang in there

But the important thing is that we are here. Together. No one has to walk alone. None of you. Not me. And not my mom.

Time. Patience. Let the explosions cool down and keep things on the down-low. That is what to do with regards to my mom.

After all, by all accounts I should have been kicked out when I detonated. Everything she tended to say was pointing directly to that. And yet, that’s not what happened. The exact opposite happened.

She’s just like me and vents a lot, though with her it’s hazy as to whether she truly believes it. You ever hear most Trump supporters talk? They constantly have to give themselves reassurance. Once it’s pointed out, you notice it constantly with them. But it’s very hard to be around, obviously. You think I’m edgy? I am nothing but a mere Kitten compared to the Roaring Lion that she is.

And my detonation was needed. She needed to be woken up to the fact that we should have been going to all those appointments. Look at how long we dragged our feet on getting me to the OBGYN, and yes I am also taking some blame there. It wasn’t entirely our fault because they wanted to send us to a doctor who has long since retired, so of course we couldn’t get through. But still, we needed to act.

But everything will be okay. I am on the right paths. After all, when my dad would constantly bitch and moan while my friends and I were at punk shows and get pissed that we went in the mosh pit despite him telling us not to, my mom was hanging out behind the building, smoking and having a great time talking to Mark Unseen or Rob Chaos between their sets. She loved how sweet and kindhearted they were deep down. She had fun.

My father’s rage and my mother’s love.

The love I have manifested today with my colour is strong. The karma gained for saving her life is powerful. And I am loved.

There’s nothing wrong with me. This is how I’m supposed to me.

I believe in me.

Strange Kitten, out 💚

Anger makes you strong!

Never forget this.

Sometimes I get very scared that I’m not on the right path. I have to be absolutely certain that I can trust, and the thought of being wrong is terrifying. I have to be safe at all times.

Taking an anxiety break

Sometimes it feels as though there is a targeted harassment campaign against me and I really hope that isn’t what this all is. I mostly don’t think so, but then shit happens and I’m like… what the actual fuck.

I will return in a few days.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
… if you see anything on this site that appears to be harassment, please report it. Even PMs can be reported - just click the “Report this conversation” link on the top of it. Harassment is not permitted here.

@Ciaran
That’s not what I’m talking about. You know what? We are going to talk about this

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
I look forward to your PM.

Okay, a lot has been re-contextualized. I should not have gotten so scared by things. My anxiety levels in general are through the roof, to be quite frank. But the medication helps and I am working through it as best I can.

I know why my anxiety is so high. I’ve known for a long time. It’s my mom and the stuff she says while venting. It’s rarer now and she’s generally more calm. But still.

She’s… still in her office right now rather than watching shows on her laptop. Which means she’s probably reading Twitter or something and…

Lovely. A big part of the reason she said all that awful stuff yesterday is because he’s back. Now she’s reading stuff that makes her angry instead of marathoning a show.

Strap in and brace yourselves, everyone. Here we go.

Yeah… this is what I was talking about when I went through so much on here. So many people in my life are just… whew.

But the key is to remain strong, and do what we need to do to calm down, so long as it doesn’t hurt others. I learned a very crucial lesson today, one that really only makes sense to me. But it was important 💚🩷

Friendship, meditation, medication, exercise, art, music.

Together we are learning and working on the proper channels through which to stow ourselves, express ourselves, and be better. And the hearts slowly but surely beat in time, nya :3

The UKG Pro Classic app is GARBAGE! Fuck my employer!

From mentalillnessquotesinfo on Instagram:
“Honestly I think one of the most empowering things you can do is separate your negative qualities from your identity.

Instead of saying “I’m lazy” saying “I’ve made a habit of not doing work unless it’s absolutely necessary.” Instead of saying “I’m a bad friend,” saying “I haven’t communicated as much as I should with the people I care about.”

By being specific about your problems, and by framing it as an action that you are consciously either working on or ignoring rather than an unchangeable part of who you are, you allow yourself to accept your mistakes and work constructively on them instead of pretending they didn’t happen or wallowing in blaming yourself.”

Nya >^-^<

I’ve been eating very slowly. Having some trouble keeping food down. Losing more weight.

…I know what to do. My mom said when I started chemo she’d be open to it. I know how to get it. I skimmed the documents Bongwater Birdbath sent me once. I’ll be talking more in length about her on here when the art I’m making is ready.

There’s a reason I like my primary care doctor so much, he’s a guy who can hook me up.