Posts

@FruityPWN
♡♡♡ thank you

@Elly Catfox
I’m glad you’re better. You are not alone, remember.

@FruityPWN
Thanks, but nah. I don’t get manic or stay up for days. I just have been through like a crapton of trauma and stuff and it really messed me up, on top of the fact I have ADHD, perhaps a touch of autism (Was tested heavily and diagnosed when I was young) and some gender dysphoria. Doing really good today though. I had 2 panic attacks but I managed them really really well and I’m proud of myself for that. Thought about suicide but got myself out of that right away too. That took tits of steel today and I did it.

@Elly Catfox
Sounds like a case of bipolar.

I think I have borderline personality disorder. But like sadder. Like half the symptoms I’m the same and the other half I’m the opposite.

I just listed a junky graphics card on eBay half an hour ago. I already found a buyer (I hope they know it’s listed as “for parts or not working.”)

I am really sick and tired of my warehouse job in Provo, Utah. There are too many idiots in critical positions at this corporation and my boss is always lecturing me about “TeAmWoRk.” My partner is a huge fucking idiot who only does the bare minimum to get by while I’m busting my ass out here.

Office politics, what a load of shit!

@Elly Catfox
You are loved, sweetie…more than you think.

I just want to be loved…

Thinking about trying to kill myself again a lot tonight.

@Ciaran
It’s okay. Thank you!

@Olly Catfox
I’ll take care of it in the morning, assuming no one does in the meantime. Sorry, I’ve been busy with other stuff.

@PutterPen
Hi. Thanks. It’s Elly now. I don’t know how to change my name here though.

Hello. Nice to see you, Olly.

Changed my mind. Couldn’t stand to hurt the people I left behind. Called 911 after I OD’d. Passed out and woke up in the ambulance. I’m okay. Out of the hospital now. I’m sorry and I’m making more big changed in my life now. ~

I’m overdosing on trazodone and alcohol!!!!!!!!! I’m finally free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did my best!!!!!!! No regrets!!!!!!!! I’M FINALLY FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!
Goodbye everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ ~~~

Being trans sucks. Gender dysphoria sucks. This world sucks. This close to jumping out the window. I want to. Why am I still here?

Wtf am I doing wrong? I can play the piano like a motherfucking riot, I have 1-in-a-thousand test scores, I just ran 9 miles today and weigh 162 pounds and am 5’ 10”. I’m well groomed and take care of my hair and my skin and teeth and don’t have acne. I’m generous and frugal. Why can’t I stop being lonely?! And why can’t I find someone who will fuck me?!

I need to get fucked… :’(

Hugs!
～(つˆuˆ)つ

Lonely… :’(

Waking up has felt harder and harder…

My new apartment is really weird. The second floor has public restrooms and I went in and saw there was a leak coming from one of the toilets and it was flooding the room. I called the after hours maintenance to report it and the lady on the other end said there was nothing they could do because it’s “not on the list of approved emergency maintenance requests” and would have to wait until Monday.

So I guess the place is supposed to just flood until Monday then. Kafkaesque beaurocratic pen-pushing desk-jockeying idiots. Read your flow charts and throw common sense out the window and cost everyone a shitload of money and resources then. This is why the aliens won’t visit us.

My boyfriend’s trauma is keeping him from being physical with me. Now I know how my last girlfriend felt back when I was going through that. :(

I want to want to wine and dine.