Vent Thread

As an empath, I wonder if there isn’t some greater significance to my feeling so wiped out lately? I was doing great, energy-wise, then all of a sudden I’m in my flop era again. Odd…

There was a giant white dog at the gas station, I bought him a burger but he was gone.

Can’t sleep. Guess I’ll get back to writing

Sigh… At least I have one friend who seems open to this kind of thing. And a late boyfriend and grandma who believe in me.

What the actual flying fuck is wrong with P Diddy? Throw him to the cops, for a select evil few I have no moral qualms with such a thing. I hope he rots

My Mormon dad knows I’m an atheist.

At least he took it well.

I’m trying to sleep on my recliner when I see dad go floating across the room, he crashes on my bed and starts crying, my heart is popping out of my chest thinking something happened to the dog “things will get ugly” this guy just keeps getting weirder, I’m scared to ask questions anymore.

The worst part is I can’t lock the door because the dog needs to let me know if he needs anything.

I have a good mind that I’ll drop dead and he’ll get everything, maybe it’s better that way.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
Sure hope not! Hang in there, friend. Karma will come to collect eventually

Feeling wistful for a future that I’m not sure will ever exist… I long for community and a greater sense of belonging in real life. I’m glad I have that on the Internet, but there’s just nothing quite like the feeling of having it irl too. Because I know that feeling. I’ve talked about going to Super Nova’s house in Arizona so much because being there felt like bliss - he’s trans, his housemate who I consider to be my sister is trans, there’s a big trans flag hanging on the wall. I feel at peace. Here, I’m forced to hide so much about myself. My mom has said there’s only two genders and that I’m not trans and the feeling of my personal freedom being held back is palpable. I almost returned to the LGBT+ center, but was told I couldn’t go to the trans group, despite my saying I had friends in that group. I used to be able to go when Cactus lived here, cuz he would take me. No wonder I broke down crying when it was time to return home from his house in AZ.

I’m glad the silver lining of my mom questioning a lot of the stuff she’s been following is beginning to emerge, but… I guess I just feel so tired of this socially isolated life rn.

It’s like… the compromise was right there, man. Right there. And she started out by saying that if the LGBT+ Center was something I needed, she’d drive me there. It’s also not an unreasonable walk. And then the 180 happened.

I just wish there was some way to keep a roof over my head and make sure my mom doesn’t lose the only person she has (me) without keeping me in a closet within a cage.

And sometimes, I think about the thing I always dreamed of… living in a little community, or maybe even a house or two or something, of partners and metamours and everyone supports each other. I think about how I could design battle vests to be sold as a source of income, and who knows if Dead Moon + Patreon could pick up steam… how I’ve trained myself to be an emotional support for people, just, all the good I could be offering the world.

Oh well, at least I manage a whole lot of good on the Internet as it is ::3

Had a very strange impression last night…

@FruityPWN
Oh? Do tell

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
Well, it involved taking a substance, like trying to shove down a big horse pill that was supposed to be an antidepressant or something and the environment was dimly lit, sort of like having curtains and the light shining into a room, which didn’t look like my own, then it slowly transitioned into just sitting down and chilling out, smoking a bud (of which I do not currently) then getting up and looking in the mirror, seeing something that vaguely looked like me but well different, like there was another me instead of a reflection looking back at me, copying my every movement. This happened well after the fact that I had a separate impression of me conversating with another, but no-one could understand me. It sort of felt like one of those fever dreams, but I am unsure, as nothing bizarre happened, but it was unnerving, for sure, since every step felt dense, like I was wearing leaded armor and couldn’t move very well, as if I was in slow motion, but wanted to move regularly. It was weird, because it seemed familiar, but it was like I was experiencing déjà vu, where there was me, two others and another me in there; no-one, not even myself, I could fully recognize. I think I tried to take drugs or something…it’s weird, but most impressions I have are.

@FruityPWN
Fascinating, thanx for sharing! Not sure what it means.

I saw the lights in the sky from the aliens again in my recent dream. Past few years or so, that’s happened constantly. Love those guys 💚

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
Aliens are my broskies.

@Anonymous #0E0B
They make such beautiful light shows just for me 🥺 Usually in my dreams and even once irl. So sweet

According to Lucifer, we are being prepared to meet and communicate with extra-terrestrial consciousness on our planet. Felt like a very relevant thing to post here, I’ll go back to not posting about my beliefs in this thread nyaow >^_^<

I hope the purrson I just argued with finds a better, more peaceful path through life. They seem very easily offended. Jumping down my throat over saying “vegan diet” says more about them than it does about me. Along with the past couple times we’ve butted heads, this purrson strikes me as a hurt and stressed individual. I’d tell them they should try meditating and burning some incense, but now I’m worried they’d only get madder at me.

Decided to watch the videos they told me to watch and write a lengthy reply. I hope it doesn’t get me banned from that community, I’ve been loving it there. But it really strikes me as though they think going vegan will magically cure my cancer, and well, I’ll admit that kinda hits a nerve.

Feels like I am surrounded by bad influences daily, though…maybe it’s not them.

I keep passing out at random times…the stress is really getting to me.

@FruityPWN
Are you able to obtain and burn incense? Scents can help calm you ::3

I was about to burn some Dragon’s Blood

It’s sorta funky in here.

I sincerely hope that person didn’t just plug their ears and block me. I hope they actually read all the stuff I typed. Otherwise, it ain’t me who is “afraid of learning”.

Even in a movement that’s supposed to be about caring for the collective, what I said and what my purrsonal medical needs are, were ignored. Guess I’ll just get left behind by everyone. Well, all I can try to do nyaow is be a force for positive change.

I notice people barely ever talk in there. I can’t help but wonder if it’s because of them. For someone who claims to care about consent, they were far too eager to deny me mine. I don’t get to choose my own diet - conform to veganism, even when it literally means you will starve to death! Don’t you dare choose a different video than the ones I sent, how dare you look for the information that is relevant to you!

And reading that gaslighting article was very eye-opening. Some of those phrases are ones that were used against me in our argument. Makes me wonder how much they’ve jumped down other people’s throats with that deeply unhealthy shut-up-and-watch-my-bullcrap-propaganda attitude.