Vent Thread

Heartaches by the number, troubles by the score
Everyday you love me less, each day I love you more
Yes, I’ve got heartaches by the number, a love that I can’t win
But the day that I stop counting, that’s the day my world will end.

To love is to suffer, to not love is to suffer.

It seems I am in a lose-lose situation.

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

Fuck love.

Despite everything, I never gave up on love. Not back then and still not today.

Hang in there, @FruityPWN and
@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
I don’t want to anymore.

@FruityPWN
But you need to. If not for yourself, then for the people that care about you. And I know there’s a person that cares a lot about you, even though they might have trouble showing it. Keep hanging in there for them, if nothing else.

It’s really been hitting me tonight that, although I’ve been able to build an entire support network of friends for myself, others aren’t able to for one reason or another. And perhaps luck plays a part in my having friends that I’ve held onto since high school or college, when other people might not be so lucky for one reason or another.

It’s easy to assume everyone has a lot of friends when that’s what I’ve got. It’s easy to forget how different other lives are from mine. For so many of the people I know, I’m probably one of few friends they even have. And that makes it all the more important I hang in here when my mental health and/or pain get bad.

The same can be said for everyone else in this thread. Remember that we live in an isolating age, and you are likely so much more important than you realize to anyone who considers you a friend 💜

Remember too, romantic love isn’t the only kind of love, and there are many other kinds to feel, too. The love you feel for a sibling. A cat. A dog. Your elderly doctor who is such a character and really shows he cares. I agree it’s difficult to be without romantic love, but let’s try to find joy in the love we’ve got :3

One of the boorus have locked my account, this disturbs the balance of labels I add to my profiles.

I am also limited to only two boorus as many others have nonexistent forums.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
If you’re referring to Ponybooru, all you need to do was change your password. They even had a system message about it amnd everything.

I appreciate how much my meds help with anxiety. I have a ton of anxiety about the people I care about and knowing they’re okay. I have a ton of social anxiety and worrying about coming off the wrong way and such - and it really doesn’t help that I was downright forced to be a shut-in during my formative years because my dad demanded I do all my homework the second I got home. It often feels like I’ve barely even put my foot through the door in terms of being social, but I’m trying and it’s so nice not to lowkey panic about stuff sometimes thanx to my meds.

This is, however, a good opportunity to mention that I post in good faith and with good intentions. And if there’s ever any doubt about that, my DMs are open and I don’t mind clarifying :3

I smashed a wasp in my room, I thought it was a roach.

I guess it was hanging out with me and my music scared it.

It was still alive so I threw it outside, I don’t know what condition it’s in.

It’s been in the house ever since my father destroyed its nest, I tried to capture it but it disappeared.

Sad ending to a long story.

Update: It’s bug food.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
💭 When I was a pre-teen, I broke a necklace I had been wearing. It’s been forever, so I forget how it broke. Beads, of course, scattered. So I didn’t think much of it when later, while getting in the shower, I stepped on a bead, other than it was kinda odd that one had ended up in the bathtub. I almost put my weight onto my foot further, but I decided to actually look, and… it wasn’t a bead. It was a Yellowjacket, stinger raised high. Cue the ensuing scream of a girl with a fear of wasps, which probably sounded like I was being murdered lmao. My dad killed it. It’s honestly a miracle I didn’t actually get stung.

A more recent memory of mine, back at our old house, our next door neighbor had a flowery bush or tree or whatever it was, that was taller than our fence and hung over it a little. On a whim one morning, I decided to throw caution to the wind and go observe the wasps and bees. It was very nice - they were all too distracted by the flowers to care about me :3

Funny thing is, it’s only wasps I’m afraid of. I quite like bees and my female name (Debby) actually means bee 🐝

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
My eyesight isn’t good and I didn’t have time to examine so I hit it with a thirteen inch chancla. It wasn’t harming me but I have merchandise in there and the Pitbull might be stung.

I feel bad about killing it, the last time I tried to catch it in a cup I almost injured it.

My worst experience when I was a kid…shorts. I went to a neglected part of the yard and they stuck to me like fire, the attack was so bad my mother actually took me to a hospital.

I need to limit my dog’s blankets and give him a cooler surface to sleep on, he’s been overheating.

I want to die.

@Anonymous #0E0B
Are you plausibly at risk of self harm? Or just feel like crap and don’t want to bother living any more?

@Ciaran
Guess they don’t feel like drawing.

@Ciaran
Both.

@Anonymous #0E0B
Hey, keep hanging in there. All of us here have rough shit we’ve been through and are going through. We know how rough it gets at times but don’t give up 💜

Edit: Also, something I used to tell a friend of mine: if you think you’re at risk of doing something extreme, check yourself into a hospital instead. Inpatient stays have been very helpful for a few of my friends, so try that.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
Only time I ever got stung was when I was walking to my ex-friend’s house. I touched my neck and there was a fluffy on it. I figured it was a plant of some sort, pressed down to pick it off. It was a bee. It got my thumb and not my neck, thankfully. I felt bad for it, homie just wanted a ride and some shade and I unintentionally killed it, cuz bees die if they sting.

Vacuum cleaner’s a good way to kill flying bugs if need be. I have a house full of apex predators so, it would indeed be bad if a bee or a wasp came in. I learned about the vacuum due to mosquitoes, though. I’m allergic, and they will come after me and bite relentlessly. Last summer, we had an outbreak of them and I got bit a lot. My throat felt very iffy/kinda closed at one point, and one of my bites fucking flashed like I was poisoned in an RPG. So yeah, it sucks to kill bugs but sometimes it’s necessary.

And the current high death toll of fleas and ants in my house is also necessary, as those are bugs that will otherwise overtake everything through sheer numbers. Do note, Badheart, cleaning products are also useful for keeping bugs at bay. I haven’t wanted to spray Raid for the ants with kittens running around, so I’ve used Lysol pet spray and, while it hasn’t kept the ants away completely, I’ve noticed their numbers reduce a lot.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
I use Lysol to wipe up dog crap, you want organic when it comes to pets.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
This is pet spray specifically. It’s meant to like, make them less likely to pee in areas and whatnot, so it’s formulated for pets to be around. Of course I still spray when the kittens are sleeping so they won’t interact with it right away, but much safer than most anything else we’ve got, that’s for sure :3

I’m beginning to wonder if I was lied to. I was always told that you don’t build a tolerance to chemo. And most people on Erivedge only tolerate it for 11 months on average, that’s how drastic the side effects are.

Yet, strangely… here I am a decade later, and I’ve been tolerating it really well the past year or so. It’s bizarre. At the beginning of last year, I was going through so much with it. It seemed impossible to take every day or even every other day. I’d get sick or get stomach pain. And that’s just been happening less and less over the past year-ish. Hell, my most recent round of stomach pain, I didn’t throw up and it didn’t get as bad as it used to in the past. I guess I truly am becoming one with the poison, which is very good. Cancer will eat away at my face and I will die without a consistent supply of chemo to my body, so being able to tolerate it means I’m able to stick around much longer :3

I can’t say I blame doctors for what they said, though. Even most people who take Erivedge take it for some months and then stop. I’m not sure if there’s anyone else out there who has taken chemo for a decade, so everything that is known about it, is known for much shorter timeframes.

I watched a video this morning indicating that the human body gets immune to its own hormones.

Practitioners were told to fast for a week, upon eating, their testosterone had tripled.
This was caused by immunity to luteinizing hormone.

Has me inspired to switch my main type from Dark to Poison, so I might just do that, at least for a while. Though I’m fortunately using both types in my current playthrough of Dark Violet.

And Umbreon can remain my favourite. Maybe I’ll play Pokemon Gold 97 or whatever it’s called next so I can use Poison Umboon. Sounds quite lovely :3

I don’t just like Pokemon and other video games and cartoons and whatnot to like them. They are a source of comfort that tends to calm my brain. I’d like for this thread to be a welcoming space for all hobbies, no matter how “immature” they may be considered. I can feel depressed and awful or my feelings and trauma can melt away for a while as I immerse myself into such things. I would encourage others to do the same if they can, if they feel it helps. Whatever it takes to keep ourselves around, nya :3

I lifted up the toilet lid and there was a big ass cockroach just waiting for me.

Lysol claims another victim.

This fucker was tough, flushing did nothing.