Vent Thread

Well it’s a good thing I returned to Facebook. The reason I left was because, I think it was on the day of the hack, this page posted something that seemed like something I had said, verbatim. With the fact that I had heard people outside my house and also thought I saw people, well I had no idea what all was going on, that further scared me. I have no idea if there actually were people out there, or if I hallucinated. I think my mental health was bad enough that I could have. It’s all better now that I’m eating and sleeping and not absorbing Lysol, like I said. And therapy is around the corner on the 16th. But that’s kinda beside my point.

Because, not only do I have a friend on Facebook who doesn’t have any other social media for me to contact him on, but good lord, someone posted some stuff that has shown me I can’t even be friends with them. I suppose it’s not super egregious, it’s just… stuff I really don’t want to see when I’m sex-repulsed. And all I got was excuses when I asked about changing the audience of their posts so I don’t see them. It really makes me feel like they’ve been being deliberately malicious this entire time. It’s unfortunate to lose someone, especially right now, but it had to be done.

On a brighter note, my close friend/unofficial sibling (I’m an only child but I vibe with this person like a sibling lol) has been opening up to me more and sharing their world and the characters in it with me! >^_^<

I am alive, but not living. I can’t take this anymore. My quality of life is complete shit and there’s nobody around or reason for me to continue on any longer than I have to. I feel like I go through the motions of living an everyday life, but for what, an ounce of joy? A slither of happiness? Nothing in my life is worthwhile. I have lost myself in the bullshit that surrounds me all the time, a toxicity that doesn’t let up…I’ve lost that light, or spark if you will, to keep going. I just feel like there’s nothing worth staying alive for, due to the fact that life likes to take my trust and crush it into little, tiny pieces. It feels like my life has ended at such a young age, but I’m still alive. Does that make sense? Why is it such a bad thing to want to die? If it were possible I would gladly give up my life for somebody who is far less fortunate than me and have them make the most of it and make a difference in the world. I feel like I was destined to suffer, like I am being punished and now I am a disgrace, forever to be punished for something I did. I always go to bed, not wanting to sleep, but not wanting to wake up…I do not want to die, but not exist…does that mean that I am selfish? Perhaps, but…I have no drive to keep going anymore, since everything is the same. I have no purpose, no love, no friends, no family…heck, I don’t even think I have money or even a life. Not that I deserve the life I have, anyways, which I don’t. I don’t know what I’ll do. I am alive, but not living.

YouTube fucked up its layout…yet again!

Can’t keep pretending to be okay. Can’t keep trying to be okay. I’m not. I’m so sorry for everything.

I’ve done far worse.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
Hey, its alright. We’re all “not-okay” in our own ways. You said you’re going to be going to therapy and have already made some lifestyle changes in your previous posts, that’s awesome first steps. The change doesn’t happen overnight, though, and that’s fine. There will be times you feel like crap, emotionally and mentally, but keep at it. It’s the cumulative work that brings change over time. If you need to step back from the phone/computer and take a break, do what you need to do.

I give up. I am sorry for everything.

I want to throw up at the fact so few people support israel

Subscribe

We should downvote every channel that mentions this word.

@FruityPWN
Fruity dear please no. I got a new phone and need to get you on telegram again. DM me okay?

Politics and religion are brain cancer.

Guilt, over all the unintentional pain I caused, is one hell of an emotion. Grief, over realizing every time that person triggered me, it was more intentional than I had thought, is one hell of an emotion. I felt as bad as Fruity did.

But I did it. I stayed safe. I made it. I’m so sorry my mental health was actually much worse than I had previously thought it was. Turns out, today was just an assessment and it’ll take a while for therapy proper to begin but I don’t mind. It was still the first step towards defeating depression and suicidal ideation for good. I can do this. I can get stronger. I can shine brighter than ever :3

Hey guys, Debby is doing seriously badly again. They’re lonely. They’re severely stressed. They keep, well, not having the happiest thoughts, let’s say. And something very bad happened today on top of everything, that Debby initially got blamed for when it wasn’t their fault. They explained and made that clear, but it still hurt that the first reaction the person had was to blame them. We still haven’t heard back from the therapist and I think they were gonna email us about the refill on the anti-depressants? Either way, we still don’t have those, and clearly we need them.

I’ll do my best to take care of Debby. We both know we’re capable of staying safe and getting through this. It’ll be tough but, I think we will. Debby knows they need to be there for people, and they’re excited to continue therapy and learn stuff and get stronger. People need them to be the strong one, and that’s what they want to become. It’s just been really hard the past month and a half or so, so much bad stuff just piling on.

We’ll take our leave for a good while. I want everyone to still be here when we return. Debby cares a lot about all of you, and believe it or not, wants to make everyone happy. See you all when we’re able to come around again!

~ Little Cat, aka Strange Kitten (Debby’s alter, but using my name is confusing when we also use that as our screen name, nya)

Lonely. :(

@Elly Catfox
Well, seeing as how we decided to check FurB for the hell of it and three hours have passed and no one replied to you…

I’m often more destructive than helpful.

Take it with a grain of salt that I’m a mentally ill lunatic and we might have some fun.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
Debby here! Pretty much everyone around me has worse mental illness than me. Let me know if you’re ever having a rough time of things. I’m often more helpful than destructive.

And I’m doing pretty well today >^_^< Fresh off of helping my friend through a depressive episode, during which he said writing poems was one of the only things he could do to feel better. So I told him to write and I’d read em. And he did. And he ended up writing about how the world needs bipolar people, which in turn helped me through my rough time, because I suspect I could be bipolar. Obviously gonna need time to see whether I’m right about that. Either way, it can even be read as the world needs people who have mental illness in general, which I agree with. And now his housemate is back from inpatient, and they’re doing the same thing I’ve started doing - working with a therapist to put a stop to the negative thoughts.

I’m proud of us ♡ We made it through this together and as long as I stick around, especially now that I’m working on improving my mental health, no one has to go through depression alone. Friendly reminder to everyone in this thread, too: I’m able to be on this site pretty often, so if depression strikes, don’t forget that my DMs are open. I’ve also got offsite stuff, such as my Discord, upon which we can keep in touch.

If I can’t do my thing I get sidetracked, then I get riled up with some other crap.

Little Cat here. Debby was having a good day but now faces a complete emotional emergency. We were told we might go take the kittens and cats into a shelter on Friday, and while that absolutely is something we need to do, we are having an extremely rough time of things. Debby is sobbing near-constantly. We’re going to have to take another leave. Debby’s heart is completely broken into little pieces right now, and we were right about the anti-depressants. We should have gotten them by now >:(

Regardless, we promise to stay safe. We have to say goodbye to these kittens, but we’ll make sure you don’t have to say goodbye to us. This is going to be extremely difficult, but we know our safety plan. We can’t promise we’ll be back that soon after, but we’ll be back sometime. If you’d like to reach out to us during this difficult time, or need us for anything, our Discord is debbymeowmeow, with our display name as Strange ☆ Kitten. Otherwise, bye for nyow ;-;

Yeah, just a heads up that this is going to be a long leave. It was remembered that the kittens need to be two months old to take them in, and half of them aren’t. So it’s gonna be a while longer until we take them in.

And as I’ve sat with these feelings, I feel worse than I thought I would. I feel broken. I’m going to need time after, too.

I promise, I will make it through this and come back. I feel like everyone here still cares about me, despite everything. So I’ll be back to try and be positive and have fun again once I feel able to. In the meantime, don’t forget that I care a whole lot.

ㅤ

Blasted boogers, I despise these wretched allergies.

As I lay here, exhausted and sad but unable to sleep, I just feel angry. Angry over how I was treated when I was at the hospital. They thought I was violent when what I was, was scared and confused. I pulled the needle out of my arm because I was scared they were gonna keep drawing blood until I passed out. And that’s all it took for them to start overwhelming me with men? And then I got scared of giving a urine sample because the cup mentioned the needle that was inside. I can’t remember if I opened the cup and looked at it. I think I did?

I’m scared of needles ;-;

It just makes me wonder, why was it even like that? And the staff were catching onto the fact that if I was guided calmly rather than forced around, I would go and do what they wanted me to. Yet things still ended up how they did.

And now I’m being malpracticed out of antidepressants I was told I’d get a refill on. I’m struggling so much more than I should be.

Sigh… at least there’s still hope that therapy can yield good things. I’m willing to keep trying. And my safety plan of watching The Lion Guard and turning to my base of operations (Discord) is helping as much as it can. My friend even coincidentally made a server with a few other autistic people in it, right as I’ve been feeling awful about mine and how it makes me struggle to understand social cues. That’s the nice thing about having made that base where I help people - they are now helping me without even realizing that’s what they were doing.

Stuff like this is why I refuse to give up <3

Welp. My dad tells me he’s having IRS issues and we could potentially lose the house in the next couple of months.

On the bright side, it could give me the push I need to finally move to either Las Vegas or Phoenix. I need to get away from this theocratic mudhole!