Posts

I’m an idiot. I don’t deserve to breathe anymore for my selfish behavior. I’m sorry for everything. My heart hurts so much. It’s hard to deal with it.

@Elly Catfox
Might help to stop looking at the negative aspects of this life and start looking at the more positive aspects. That’s what everyone’s always telling me.

The world hates me and I hate it back. I used to be better than this. I still can be maybe…

I posted this as its own topic, but I want to post it here too.

After all these years, I still wanted to fix all the bullshit in my mother’s obituary. Here it is, the truth:

That’s the real shit they should’ve said instead of the candy-ass, rose-tinted bullshit they put out. And it deserves to be fucking said.

Her story is not an isolated anomaly, but a typical and regular occurrence, one of many others like it in the United States of America. Fuck the religious and the fascists who got us here. Fuck this country and fuck the majority of humanity. May mother nature reclaim her sovereignty and may the human population decline to within 500 million, lest the disese that is the homo sapian destroy all that is truly good in this world.~

Last time I checked there’s a bunch of idiots walking around with these shirts on and I’ve yet to witness someone giving them a hard time, however much I silently would like to.

Meanwhile, I have a Satanist friend who wears a t-shirt with a pentagram, and he’s gotten shit from multiple people.

And his shirt is far more tame than any of these.

Similarly, I’ve had random assholes I’ve never seen before in my life grab my choker, threaten me, or scream “faggot go get a job” out the window at me while I’m literally in my blue collar work clothes on the way to the bus after pouring concrete in the hot sun, all because I have a mildly girly, brightly coloured backpack and I was AMAB.

And plenty of other shit I’m not going to get into.

So yeah, PC thugs are everywhere, but not in the way you think. Go look in a mirror and contemplate your attitude, lest you commit yourself to a life of misery. You’re longing for a past that was never really there anyway, all because you’re too lazy to keep up with the present.

@Goku Black
Dayum. Congrats!

I just quit my job. I just can’t work with those moron coworkers of mine and my boss who’s afraid to get rid of them for some stupid reason.

It’s fine. I’ve got an interview today. I can always focus on my art if that fails, though (as well as those temp agencies.) I mean, I have all this paint and these canvasses from the last few years I haven’t got a chance to use, yet.

And, I’ve got several thousand saved up. Perhaps I’ll finally move to suburban Las Vegas from the shitty mudhole known as Provo, Utah.

@FruityPWN
♡♡♡ thank you

@Elly Catfox
I’m glad you’re better. You are not alone, remember.

@FruityPWN
Thanks, but nah. I don’t get manic or stay up for days. I just have been through like a crapton of trauma and stuff and it really messed me up, on top of the fact I have ADHD, perhaps a touch of autism (Was tested heavily and diagnosed when I was young) and some gender dysphoria. Doing really good today though. I had 2 panic attacks but I managed them really really well and I’m proud of myself for that. Thought about suicide but got myself out of that right away too. That took tits of steel today and I did it.

@Elly Catfox
Sounds like a case of bipolar.

I think I have borderline personality disorder. But like sadder. Like half the symptoms I’m the same and the other half I’m the opposite.

I just listed a junky graphics card on eBay half an hour ago. I already found a buyer (I hope they know it’s listed as “for parts or not working.”)

I am really sick and tired of my warehouse job in Provo, Utah. There are too many idiots in critical positions at this corporation and my boss is always lecturing me about “TeAmWoRk.” My partner is a huge fucking idiot who only does the bare minimum to get by while I’m busting my ass out here.

Office politics, what a load of shit!

@Elly Catfox
You are loved, sweetie…more than you think.

I just want to be loved…

Thinking about trying to kill myself again a lot tonight.

@Ciaran
It’s okay. Thank you!

@Olly Catfox
I’ll take care of it in the morning, assuming no one does in the meantime. Sorry, I’ve been busy with other stuff.

@PutterPen
Hi. Thanks. It’s Elly now. I don’t know how to change my name here though.

Hello. Nice to see you, Olly.

Changed my mind. Couldn’t stand to hurt the people I left behind. Called 911 after I OD’d. Passed out and woke up in the ambulance. I’m okay. Out of the hospital now. I’m sorry and I’m making more big changed in my life now. ~

I’m overdosing on trazodone and alcohol!!!!!!!!! I’m finally free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did my best!!!!!!! No regrets!!!!!!!! I’M FINALLY FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!
Goodbye everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ ~~~

Being trans sucks. Gender dysphoria sucks. This world sucks. This close to jumping out the window. I want to. Why am I still here?

Wtf am I doing wrong? I can play the piano like a motherfucking riot, I have 1-in-a-thousand test scores, I just ran 9 miles today and weigh 162 pounds and am 5’ 10”. I’m well groomed and take care of my hair and my skin and teeth and don’t have acne. I’m generous and frugal. Why can’t I stop being lonely?! And why can’t I find someone who will fuck me?!