Posts

Trying not to feel worthless. :’(

@Nightweaver20xx  
Bruce Willis wore a sign that said it best.
 

I’m so fucking tired of giving a shit.
 
I hate this fucking year so much. All the outside attempts by companies, television, etc. to make me believe that I should feel happy and hopeful in the face of this shit year is just making me fucking hate it more. It’s not a time to be happy.
 
Yeah you know what, while I’m at it let me say that cancel culture can go fuck itself. Reducing a complex person who you don’t know down to a single label just because they made one mistake, especially when they’re young, and especially when they’ve done so much for a community they’ve been a part of for years, is absolutely shitty and fuck anyone who tries to do that. You know who I’m talking about. Don’t make me fucking say this shit a second time.

I miss my girlfriend. :(
 
I’ll be okay… Just gotta keep going.

@OliverHancock  
You are sure right.

@Anonymous #747C  
Well, I’m just saying like, one or the other people. Either you care more about freedom than you do about what the law says, or you care more about what the law says than you do about freedom. Don’t pretend to be all about the law and then go break the law. If you disagree with laws and you’re willing to break them, then don’t tell people you’re the law and order type. I’m not saying whether or not we need more “law and order” or whether or not the mask orders are good laws. If you break laws you disagree with, now you’re a criminal too. Does that mean you’re a bad person? No, but that’s just it, maybe they should realize that crime and what makes a person “bad” or “good” is a lot fucking more nuanced than these people think. I’ve seen too many, “criminals aren’t people” comments and “criminals should all be locked away or shot” comments everywhere lately, but that kind of black and white thinking is fucking dangerous. Half the people making those comments are surely already criminals themselves and they don’t even think of themselves that way. Jesus Christ.

@OliverHancock  
Double Standard is a bitch, right?

@Nightweaver20xx  
At least you’ve got a computer

The same Trumpanzees who claim they want law and order are the same people who break mask laws.

You all know about my famous refusal to own a cellphone of any kind, even a brick, but did you also know that I don’t use any streaming services whatsoever? No Hulu, no Netflix, no Disney+, nothing. I also don’t watch any television dramatic series at all. Never seen an episode of GoT, Stranger Things, Yellowstone, His Dark Materials, etc. None of it. I also haven’t seen any superhero movies since Wonder Woman in 2017. So when everyone online likes to reference memes related to stuff like that, I don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.
 
“That’s nice, Nightweaver. Tell us when you’re ready to join the rest of us in the 21st century.”
 
Fuckers.

@MagpulDynamicPie  
Hey, I like how you said “actual” jobs, though. The implication there sounds like you know how to work, just struggle finding and holding down something in a corporation, business, etc. I’m the same way. I can bust my ass and get a lot of great work done doing an odd job here or there for someone, helping them move, put something together, or disassemble furniture, etc. so at least there’s that.
 
I think what I’m gonna do now, though, is try a 180 on my YouTube channel. I’m gonna research stuff, ramp up production, and put my best foot forward doing videos about science and data. Maybe we don’t need “actual” jobs if we can make our own success.

@OliverHancock  
Hmm, sounds somewhat familiar. When it comes to actual jobs, I’m clueless.

I’m so stuck not having a job, not knowing how to get one, being so stressed out I want to kill myself over it, not having a future, not living up to my potential. God fucking damnit

Don’t believe the hype: Only 27% of Google’s operations are carbon neutral.

@OliverHancock  
Young rebellions or young suicidal are also pretty common in the east, but the habit of being humble and communicative and being lucky can save the ass there, plus knowing when to speak out loud, even more carefully.

@Anonymous #159D  
Oh, I see. It sounds like it’s one of those things that’s a good thing in theory, but in practice, they take it too far and use it to put extra burden on the younger workforce.

@OliverHancock  
Most parts, only some allows, but more than 95% (how I feel right now) is restricted, Japan is also no exception sadly.
 
The respect elder policy can go too far in many parts of Asian cultures, and it is still polluting the economic.

@Anonymous #5431  
Wow I didn’t know that. Do you mean that they don’t allow people to ask questions?

Asian work cultures is oppressive when it comes to age and position, and more importantly, question asking.
 
One quite useless trade-off, you can be less punctual there.

Facebook memes and the news did to our parents and grandparents what they thought video games would do to us.

Youtube just had to go down today didn’t it?

Even though I like my job, it really does put strain on me and my legs

@Nightweaver20xx  
Okay, hold on, I don’t agree with what you just said, but I concur with the… frustration… and I understand where you’re coming from now. Just… look I messed up by bringing it up in here.. I didn’t mean to… maybe I did… I don’t know… I don’t understand myself a lot of the time… but please just understand where I’m coming from too. I’m in a place of fear and anxiety which sounds like what you were in too judging by what you said there, so maybe we can both just try to cool down with it and… ya know, just nudge me man. (or whichever pronouns you prefer. I don’t mean “man” like man, I just mean like human you know what I’m saying?) But like, I mean I understand. Just, idk, we should nudge each other, not judge each other. Which is kinda what I gather you want me to do anyway. I don’t mean to, but… I messed up. dang I’m a nutcase. I just.. Idk what I’m doing. Just trying to survive and keep myself from cutting or something… I don’t want to be locked up. I’ve been locked up too much. I never hurt a fly… please, I just… I don’t know. Sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong. Just please don’t hurt me

Thank god at least I don’t really drink anymore. I mean maybe a single shot with eggnog for the holidays on Friday nights during the holiday season or a glass of wine with my girlfriend at the park on special occasions, but man I used to really drink. I didn’t think I had a problem. I mean, like, when you drink a lot you always have those friends who drink just as much or even more, so you’re like, “Oh well see he’s drinking more so as long as I don’t drink as much as he or she does I’m fine.” And then my mom died and I just like, I couldn’t do it anymore. I don’t even like being around it anymore. Honestly maybe I never did… no, I think I did, but I… I don’t know man it turns you into a different person if you don’t play your cards right. You gotta temper it you know?

I tried to jump off a bridge 2 weeks ago… Took all my clothes off and threw them down into the cold Missouri river, climbed up over the railing and it felt so freeing. Like it could all just be over and I could be at peace… I couldn’t do that to my girlfriend though… she doesn’t deserve that… I don’t… I don’t deserve that either. I’m a human being. I’m a human being. I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve that. I have to make myself believe I don’t deserve that… :(