Vent Thread

This prompts me to exercise precautions, like using a glass instead of directly siphoning to the sink, drying my nostrils and at general area where it’s at with a towel or tissues, and a lot of hand washing.

Anyone ever so often get the feeling everyone’s out to get you, the whole “gang stalking” thing, building conspiracies, getting real paranoid, the stuff you know isn’t real, but you just can’t help it?

Why do I get the feeling everywhere I go, I just immediately get hated on, like, is it something about my name that just makes you want to kill me or- I am rather curious, for all I know, me not having said all that much makes people think I’m insane or something, and you’d think being a goddamn furry, queer and mentally on “the spectrum” would make you exempt, but naw man, every little bit of interaction I get with just about anyone always ends up feeling off the very least.

Again, could just be me, I somewhat came to terms with it, as it’s been going on my whole life, online and irl, doesn’t matter, there’s a few things I want to feel special about, but this just ain’t it, instead of main-character syndrome, I get main-villain syndrome, sucks to sleep with.

@Seraphiel
Same, everything needs to die

@Gusta
You will never be as evil as me. I am currently building my tragic backstory

Right, the tragic backstories…

It’s clear now that I’ve ignored and Motrin’d through my stomach pain far too much… I need to give myself more and longer breaks from chemo. I think my months of demon and deity work in order to prevent a doomsday scenario are a factor here as well. The stress has really caught up to me, which is the exact opposite of helpful for my stomach. Don’t expect to hear much from me for a while - my life now depends on me trying my best to relax. Something kinda extreme happened with my stomach - I’ll leave it at that. It’ll be some time till I’m able to see a doctor about it.

Today’s also day 5 or so of Bunny having gone missing. I’m not hopeful at this point. I’m completely broken-hearted and in mourning and trying my best not to cry constantly.

Oh of course, now Bunny shows up.

Cat, I have been mourning you for days and the other cats were all meowing like crazy this morning, clearly looking for him. What the hell Bun Bun?

He is so getting love and a little kiss when I’m done sleeping, lmao.

Another sign that I might have hemorrhoids… lovely. Though thankfully, this one was just art I came across. Or, am I being shown stuff in order to help prevent them? Either way, I’ve already said what I’ll do about it. I’ll see doctors about it. Very unfun times ahead if I do. Thankful that I’ve been shown signs of this problem either way. At the very least, I now know that I need to pay my stomach pain much more heed.

Considering that constipation is contributing to this, the sustainability of continued chemo use now comes into even greater question. I am currently lacking an oncologist due to insurance changes, but of course, seeking out a new one is the obvious course of action.

On the bright side, topical treatment for basal cells has entered clinical trials. I’m not entirely sure if it could eventually work for me, but it’s something I’ve known about for a while and is definitely worth considering for the future. Seeking advice from medical professionals and not losing hope for the future, that is the Strange Kitten way 💚

Carolina Reaper is the path to enlightenment…..

I’m tired of people ascribing meaning to things I say when that wasn’t at all what I actually meant. I’m tired of people weaponizing therapy speak against me. I’m tired of the condescending way I have been treated - of others acting like they’re social experts in comparison to me. It makes me feel like my feelings aren’t being taken into consideration in such situations, and makes me wonder whether such standards are even being applied equally. I find I come across people committing those same social “sins”, usually to a worse extent, and I wonder, do they ever get treated the same way, or are they always given a free pass? Why do the rules and standards get applied so harshly towards me?

I feel like the vibe has shifted towards such a hostile and defensive place. Not just among people I’ve talked to perhaps too much, but even some of the friends I’ve talked to on much rarer occasion have grown distant. But I have an educated guess as to why socializing has been so difficult lately - it’s not just me who’s lowkey been severely stressed about the election, it’s most everyone. No wonder I’ve felt so burnt out lately. And of course, my heart still being kinda cracked from all my partners having left me hasn’t helped. Huge sources of brightness for me just gone. That’s what this year has been sorely lacking. Brightness. And I tried damn hard to bring brightness to people.

And if things pan out the way I’ve been trying my absolute most to make them pan out, hopefully that brightness will return. It feels like it’s only a matter of waiting. I just wish the waiting wasn’t so lonesome.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
I won’t lie, it’s because you’re queer

California is more bigoted than you think.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
The people I’ve tried befriending have all been queer for the most part. And it’s my attempts to make friends online, so varying states. Still, though, you’re partially correct - I’m queer, so I’ve been trying to befriend queer people, and the bigoted way the world is, is stressful for us and puts people on edge. I think we all come from a place of caring deeply about causes and, while they are important and definitely worth caring about, it’s leading to a lot of debating and going in circles. Not the worst thing, and workable, but it’s currently got me feeling exhausted. That and, of the many signs I’ve been shown of a prosperous future, we’re still not at step 1 yet. So I’m stuck between how badly I want to trust that, and the anxiety of not being certain.

Good news is, should that first step be taken, it’ll help soften the blow for everyone. They’re workable friendships - I’m just exhausted from the constant negativity and need a break. But at least I’m trying!

Hey guys, how should I worry about the brain amoeba? I had to put chlorine in my water on the pail before using it, I even hold my nose when I shower and dry my nose immediately when I tried to soap myself. If any drops goes or goes in my nostrils, I rush for the towel to dry and blow any remaining water out. I always had thoughts of suffering the symptoms, hell I told people that I am going to die from this disease.

Drinking chlorine will turn your insides to mustard gas.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
Hell, I’ll pour a entire gallon of chlorine on my brain if my cranium is opened.

@ChickPea
Do you live in an area that sorely lacks clean water? The fact that my health concerns have all recently been proven true, including one that came to mind not long after I started chemo a decade ago, has me now worried about this happening to you.

I’m not sure what other solutions there may be, but for now, keep being careful. Keep your faith strong - there’s a high chance that a guardian angel is watching over you ::3

I lied about not believing spirits, there are many deceased on this land who watch over us.

On a brighter note, anyone remember months and months ago, when I talked about a guy who was so distraught over not having a job, he was kinda hard to try and help? Well, he’s actually been nice to jump into some more down-to-earth conversation with this morning. That’s why I prefer keeping people around rather than kicking them out - you’ll usually get helped by them in return, and it’s the kind and loving path we need more of in the world ::3

I attempted suicide because I couldn’t find work in California, for twenty years now I’ve been in pain.

On the way home there was a ramp, I was riding an old beach cruiser, the back tire caught the platform at about six feet, my blood was orange in the sunlight, I felt no pain, I landed face first on the blacktop and completely smashed my upper torso.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
The interesting thing is, in a couple of my depressive episodes earlier this year, I felt very drawn to suicide by car. And we all know which state I live in by now.

This is how it’s gone so many times - I’m driven to think and say extreme things, only to find out there was a reason for it way, way after the fact. I think things are calming down, finally, but it’s been one hell of a rough year. Especially when I keep having to apologize after and feel like absolute shit 🙃

And just so you feel less alone, I’m also in the in pain all the time club!

During my past episodes you’ve had the privilege of never witnessing there was often a hierarchy involved.

Someone tries to intimidate me or disrespect, it plays out like a Rambo film, fire burns from the bottom of totem polls.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
Fortunately I haven’t face with that problem, but I’m still a little anxious about it.

@ChickPea
Then you’re probably fine. I wonder if buying a filter for your water would prevent any unwanted amoebas.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
I don’t know if those are available in my country, and I’m going into a different province, a rural village to be exact, I don’t trust the waters there since they source from ground water that haven’t been filtered. I also had these deja reve dreams about just boardcasting last three to four weeks of my life, how it is alarming they depict my future so vividly, it makes scared an inevitable fate will occur to me, dying from the amoeba.