Meeoly shit! The cats knocked my fan off my nightstand and busted open my power strip! Luckily, no one seems hurt. I got shocked slightly a couple times picking it up but I’m okay. I’m a little amazed I didn’t get shocked worse but technology is just awesome like that I guess, and ya catboy is always a lucky kitty ฅ(^ •ω• ^) Thankfully we have backup power strips, nya.

Also caught Bandit attempting to use my toothbrush! Cats are such chaotic little creatures. Having them around is always an enriching experience 🐈‍⬛🐈

Tomorrow is hangout day with my friend, so nii nii >^_^<

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
You seem much more positive and joyful lately. I am happy you are able to be okay despite the circumstances.

@Lunarmoon21
It’s not like that and anyone who treats you like that can fuck off. 🫂 You have a different opinion and a different viewpoint, certainly one that’s frustrating and hurtful to some people but the same can be said of others with different viewpoints to either of ours. I don’t think good and bad people exist tbh. There are only good and bad actions. I’ve seen “good” people do terrible things and “bad” people do great things. We often just lack communication, empathy, or perspective.

God damn that pizza was greasy, I better start doing some pull-ups if I’m gonna eat like this.

That’s the last time I muck around with squid ink…

@Elly Catfox
You seem like you’re at least a bit more positive and joyful, too. You also seem to be able to be okay, despite your circumstances being worse than mine. It sounds like you have a job nyaow? Keep it up, you’re doing great as far as I can tell :3

@Lunarmoon21
Sorry I missed what you said earlier, yesterday was a little hectic. You’re not disgusting and you certainly don’t deserve to die. Keep hanging in there, friend :3

Homeboy is napping lol and the kittens have had zero fear of him. Today is a great day >^_^<

“Doge” has passed away.

@ᎶㄖҜㄩ 乃ㄥ卂匚Ҝ
Today is less of a great day 😿

My strength goes out to that canine 🙏

Rip

18 years old though, she had a good long life for a dog.

Much sad. Such miss.

I still appreciate the doge memes I made with my own cats in 2012. Rip Doge, that last one with Sid being surrounded by “wow” still crax me up sometimes 💔

Contusion from getting my labs drawn is pretty big and my arm muscles are in a bit more pain today :<

Whiskey you’re the devil!

@MoonOtter
My dad had to euthanise my rats earlier this year, they were getting really old and one had a huge tumour that was splitting open.

@Lunarmoon21
Sorry to hear that. Rats are awesome, it’s too bad they don’t live super long, they’ve got such great personalities when you get to know them.

Knowing my dumb luck, I’ll be a curse before I know it…

@FruityPWN
Hang in there.

@Elly Catfox
I do not possess the will. I could, but there would be little point in thinking otherwise. Maybe a spark was there at some point, but that has soon fizzled out. One day…

@FruityPWN
None day. I know it’s hard but, ya gotta keep going. I care about you ♡

Having a struggle night myself tonight. I suppose it makes sense that these will come up from time to time. Recovery isn’t linear when it comes to mental health stuff.

Also noticed I’m having some aggression issues. My cats and kittens have all been sick with what I assume is conjunctivitis, and aggression is definitely an early sign for me that I’ll get sick if I take more chemo. I’ll have to skip some doses and be careful. Can’t get sick when I have appointments coming up, especially my return to the dentist to get my cavity filled. I shouldn’t be contagious - conjunctivitis has an extremely low rate of passing from cats to humans, to the point my mom has never caught it. I only catch it because I’m immunocompromised. And of course, I’ll wear my mask to my non-dental appointments. Pretty moot to wear it to the dentist though, heh.

It’s already 2am here. Not too much longer to go tonight, and my energy level is decent so I might go walk once I make it to morning. Bless the kitten who refuses to sleep anywhere but right next to my hip - he’s being a good help ♡

Edit: Nah, feeling too tired for a walk :<

You ever wish you could inflict the pain you feel onto the world?

Sometimes, I wish I could make every last person on earth take chemo, so they could all feel weighed down like I do. Too heavy and fatigued to move my body easily. Socially isolated such that their houses feel like a box sometimes. Others get to keep busy with work and going out to social events, but me? It’s a rare treat if I even get to do the latter. I don’t envy people for having jobs - those seem like their own hell - but I feel misunderstood as others get to be busy while I’m just here. Alone. I wouldn’t want everyone to live like this forever, but a few days? A week?

You think about what people on IV chemo go through. Then you realize that’s my forever, just in pill form.

It’s not so much that I wish harm onto others. I definitely do not. It’s that I don’t feel understood.

Do you mean you want to project your inability to control the unpredictable brutality of nature, by answering the violence perpetuated on your psyche by externalizing violence onto others around you?

Me too. All the time. But, there’s help!

Trust me on this one. It will fuck you up and do you an injury, but maybe exactly the way you need right now.

It’s a musical, here’s the trailer - the voice talent are top notch, and the songs manage to rock. Possibly because of all the Emmy and Tony award winners in the cast, including a lot of folks who’ve done musicals on Broadway apparently (although finding those links is demasiado trabajo). And believe me, the story is all very silly and happy MURDER, and filled with delightful music and singing and UNQUANTIFIABLE CORPSES.

All seriousness aside, this thing is like someone put a bunch of refuges and traumatized children from realistic WWII movies, a full ml of lysergic acid diethylamide (Lucy), and the entire run of Teletubbies into a blender and set it to MAXIMUM BLOOD.

As Polygon put it, “Netflix’s Centaurworld is a cute musical, until the body horror hits”.

WARNING: MAXIMUM SPOILERS Seriously, one of the nicest songs in the entire run is when the “you didn’t know they were the heroine of the show” sings to the “you didn’t know he was the villain of the show” as she murders him in cold blood and the Nowhere King … well … let’s be honest: bleeds out, freeing everyone who he’d trapped.

It’s such a lovely DIE NOW FUCKER lullaby.

Don’t get me wrong - it can be an incredibly long watch. You’re going to see some of the absolutely weirdest shit you’ve ever seen animated, and then it’ll be over and you’re going to be going back to individual episodes to try to figure out why they resonate so hard with something inside yourself you can’t even name. Oh! Maybe it’s your existential fear? (season 2 episode 3: My Tummy, Your Hurts)

I mean, who knows? Maybe Centaur World will be not what you want, but what you need?.

For me, it was a little like a group therapy session. Some of the people in the room with you are obviously out of their minds and maybe shouldn’t even be there. Others are so angry all the time they don’t seem to even be able to see themselves. But then … without really expecting it, something clicks in you and you don’t have to go there any more.

Or, you only go back for the one thing that you know is what you’re needing.

For me? It was the mass suicide episode. You know - the one where everyone lets a whale eat them so it can eat their personalities and consume all their pain and you wait forever for the shuffleboard event at the end of existence where nothing matters because it never ever did anyway so why are you still trying to change a world that hates you HA HA HA just serious REMEMBER? FOR KIDS!

That episode is Season 1, Episode 8 (Ride the Whaletaur Shaman!).

PS: Don’t slap horses. They aren’t the problem, you are.

PPS: I think the way the show works is that it is so busy being distractingly silly and buoyant and casually non sequitur that you don’t notice the way it pulls the doors in your soul open and then smashes through the cobwebs letting all your monsters into the light of day so they, and you, can finally be free.

Try it. Maybe Centaur World might be the angry incomprehensibly skull-crushing existential nightmare that you need?

I don’t fully understand the Fallout 4 hate club. Like I get that the story wasn’t as good as NV or 3’s, but the game had good combat and base building. I don’t think that Fo4 is bad game in a long shot.