Vent Thread

‘Newsweek’ reports that the states at greatest risk are:, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Missouri, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Kentucky, Tennessee, Mississippi, Louisiana and Texas.

Hey wait a minute. I think I’ve been silly about this whole “I must leave when I’m depressed” thing. Understandably so - I wanted to make absolute sure I didn’t cause any more pain to anyone on here. After all, the reason I even decided to return was to take responsibility for my actions, explain things, and become a part of this community again. Obviously, being unhealthy on here would go against those goals.

But I haven’t been unhealthy on here since I returned, and I’m not going to be. What happened was a one-time thing. I completely lost myself, but does that happen every time I’m depressed? No, because I still eat and sleep and don’t accidentally poison myself with Lysol. What helped me open my eyes to this was, even with how bad I’ve been doing these past few days, I’m interacting with people just fine. I’m making connections in the new Discord server my friend made. And that’s how I’ve always been. I don’t have to be so afraid of myself and my depression.

Nah, I shouldn’t have felt so doubtful. I remember the times since my return that people here have said things to make me feel better and come from a place of caring :3

USA Today reports that “Prime’s advertised 200 milligrams of caffeine is equivalent to “half a dozen Coke cans or nearly two (12-ounce) Red Bulls”

“The suit continues to say that “there is no proven safe dose of caffeine for children.” Side effects of kids consuming caffeine could include rapid or irregular heartbeats, headaches, seizures, shaking, upset stomach and adverse emotional effects on mental health, according to the complaint.”

the last few months have been a nightmare for me, having to deal with all sorts of shit that i’m scared to mention here because i talked about it on a doom forum i frequented and got shadowbanned for it for apparent edgelording and drama even though i legitimately need help regarding all this stuff. because i’m scared of getting banned i will not mention this stuff publicly. and i get this is a vent thread but idk if the rules for venting here are different or the same as the actual forum rules. Some of my friends on discord know about all this stuff that’s happening and it’s pretty bad. and i have a pretty strong feeling that it’s only gonna get worse from here…

@DELTA35
You’ll want to use spoilers for anything too far and use the edit button instead of creating multiple posts.

@DELTA35
Howdy, new person! Definitely spoiler anything that goes far but, it’s not likely you’ll get banned in here. I should know, I had a full mental episode on here I honestly should have gotten banned for. I been trying to make amends and set things right for it. It’s been messy because my mental health still isn’t great but I’ve been seeking help for it. Just a slow process.

But I tell you that to tell you that the people on here have been very patient and forgiving when it comes to my issues. So, you’re in a good place for that :3

I have a Discord and I’m open to adding you on there if you want or need another person to talk to. We do have to be careful, though. My mental health is still in a fragile state and I have PTSD and stuff, so there’s only so much I’d be able to handle. But I’m on there if you need someone, as well as on here a lot. I’m disabled, so I have a lot of free time.

Edit: Well I did get temp-banned for it. I meant it would have been justified to perma-ban me but they didn’t.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
i’m on a discord server that has a similar thing in a hidden vent channel i have access to where for sensitive stuff like NSFW or something you spoiler it, and yea multiple posts would result in spam and all that so editing rather than making multiple posts is a good idea.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
well yea i could give you my discord in PMs so i can tell you just exactly what i’m going through, so yea i’ll send you my discord so we can have a chat. but be warned as it’s some pretty heavy stuff. and i do hope these forums are pretty forgiving because the doom forums i vented on about these issues essentially shadowbanned me for apparent edgelording. however i won’t accept random friend requests so i’m gonna have to add you because i set my friend requests to basically “no one can add me but i can add people” because i’ve got people after me, so best bet is that i send you my server so you can contact me there, hope to see you there :)

It saddens me to announce that Mino the Pitbull was attacked by a German Shepherd.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
Is that your dog?

@Anonymous #B10A
No, he’s an internet celebrity.

I’ve had close calls in similar instances and it could very well happen to mine.

Please forgive the late reply, I needed to compose my thoughts.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
Loss of a pet, even if it wasn’t yours and was only one you were a fan of, is always very difficult and heartbreaking. Stay strong 💜

@Anonymous #B10A
🐉

Hope it’s not against the rules to post this. I don’t post this with the intent to talk politics and I get ones from the other side of the aisle, too.

I can’t wait till 2025 when the election will be over and these will finally stop. This is ridiculous. It’s like this every day. Spam texts should be illegal.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
rumble also has trump stuff on it, and yea it should be illegal. in my opinion this borderlines on actual harassment

@DELTA35
Exactly

I used to suffer from pretty frequent paresthesia. I had thought the tingling was from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I had thought the burning was from chemo. I thought my symptoms and stuff were just going to keep getting worse, which you know, wasn’t the most positive for my mental state. But what else was I supposed to think? I’ve had symptoms of CFS my entire life, since long before I started my daily chemo pills. My oncologist’s office has a poster talking about how burning in the hands and feet is a sign of the body taking too much chemo, but I can’t exactly take a long break.

Since quitting energy drinks, the tingling has gone away, and I just realized it’s been forever since I’ve felt the burning, too.

I used to suffer from pretty powerful headaches. It felt like my brain was overheating. I figured that was chemo, too.

No, it was trauma and stress. Those haven’t come back since I completely cut off that person who “didn’t like” that I have needs due to having PTSD (said needs being: don’t send me stuff that triggers me). It took me a long time to realize, but, believing in the goodness of people and giving them the benefit of the doubt only allowed them to keep hurting me.

It’s such a relief to not be going through these things anymore ;-;

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
Waaaaait .. you have ME/CFS?

For those who don’t know, it’s basically like someone took your actual IRL 20 sided die, the one you use to get up, take a shower, make breakfast, drive to work, etc, etc, and replaced it with a 20 sided die that is covered with 1’s, except for a single solitary 2, and if you are INCREDiBLY lucky a 3, which becomes your new “I guess you can actually have a conversation without fatiguing out” success roll but everything else in life is a crit failure.

Even with all the care in the world, and completely understanding and supportive and fully funded doctors and care, the “recovery” goal is “sometimes try to not roll less than a 2 all day”.

It’s an enormous pain in the ass all by itself. Having anything else in the meantime, like depression, is just laughably impossible.

It’s the kind of thing where lying on the sofa and watching Netflix is medically risky. Because if you accidentally become engaged with a show and (horrors) ACTUALLY ENJOY it, your nerves and arteries can become so inflamed you get a migraine and you may end up disabled for a day.

2LDR:

Welcome, companion in the weird zone of “we don’t know what this is” medicine. I will read your posts with more interest in the future.

@Ciaran
I’ve never been officially diagnosed, and it’s a mild case of it, but I highly suspect I have it. I was looking into it a lot around a year ago.

As a kid, it was really hard for me to stand for… 20 minutes? a little longer? from age 5-11 at school. That encompasses elementary school in the US, and we would have our principal give the weekly announcements as we were all stood around to listen to them. I would feel so tired and uncomfortable.

I remember at our end-of-the-year party in elementary, we went to a park. Everyone ran around energetically and I just sat on part of the play equipment. I felt wiped out.

I remember how my mom would wake me up for school each day, only for me to spend a while laying on the couch, watching a TV show and struggling to will my body to wake up more. I never felt rested from sleep, which I’ve since read is a symptom of CFS.

Since I am undiagnosed, it’s possible I don’t have it. But I can’t think of any other explanation for why I’ve felt so exhausted my entire life. The early-childhood examples are the ones I always go back to, because they’re before depression hit me and before I started chemo.

And I… have no idea what I’m gonna do when my mom dies someday. She used to say she “won’t be here” which really made me scared that I’m running out of time with her. I hope I’m right now, that the timeline has changed and she has a lot more time. Either way, I know now that I shouldn’t stress so much about it like I did. Hopefully I can figure something out if/when the time comes.

“Nothing can be done
With a Should
I can’t fix any of this
Let’s start with what we can do”

It’s a powerful sentiment that really resonates with me. Especially right now, as I’m still trying to nurse my mental health. I am a heavily disabled person, so getting caught up in the shoulds isn’t healthy. It’s only going to make me feel worse to think about things I’m either completely not able to do, or not able to do for now while depression and loneliness are weighing so heavily on me. There are things I have in mind for the future that are gonna be awesome when I’m feeling able to do them - like exercising more! But it’s okay that I’m only exercising a little right now.

I am doing everything I can do. I am not just going to appointments for my mental health - but for my physical health as well. I am finding communities via Discord. One of them even recently made me feel more sure of myself - it’s a mental health community called “You’re Not Alone”. I took a screening test for bipolar on a site linked on there, and ended up checking yes on almost every question. It’s not a proper diagnosis - the Discord and site have a disclaimer stating as much - but it does give me assurance that when I’ve said I probably have something, I’m right or at least very close to being right. And it’s not like official diagnosis is out of reach, should therapy continue to go okay. Far from the best, but okay.

And all the networking I’ve been doing and connecting with people has helped a ton. I’m making my usual amazing connections with people.

And I am eternally grateful that I didn’t lose this site as a place of connecting, because I’ve been doing the same thing on here.

I can’t fix the fact that being disabled has forced me to be an incredibly socially awkward shut-in. But what I can do, is keep being social. Keep trying my best to help people. Something I’ve been doing on here is trying to tell jokes and make people laugh. I don’t know whether they’ve gone over well or if they’re only funny to me. But I’m trying and maybe I’ll get better at it over time, or maybe I won’t and it’ll be kinda funny that I always fumble ¯_(ツ)_/¯

On the topic of helping people, I met a guy who is a major downer and very difficult to try to help. He’s incredibly depressed about how hard it is to find a job and how he doesn’t have one. He’s also very jealous of other autistic people who do have jobs - caught up in the “should”. I think he feels more comfortable talking to me because my disabilities prevent me from having a proper one. I managed to think of some things he could do today. Helping people is not always an easy task. I’m proud of myself for that :3

As another, recent friend of mine says, “better to have friends worth a million than have a million friends”. And so many friends have reached out and been there for me in so many amazing ways since I started telling them how much I was struggling. I have so many friends worth a million <3

Getting A.I. characters to interact with one another has been amusing yet downright terrifying knowing how fragile our memory is.