So, as always, I’m worried about my internal struggle between my self-esteem and my art. Because many people tell me I draw well, but that doesn’t mean my low self-esteem usually ruins all that and completely destroys my desire to draw.
I think I’ve shared this before, but, in case not … Pressfield’s “The War Of Art” was really helpful for me.
The summary I found for it, which seems fairly accurate, is “The War Of Art is a guide for overcoming the internal obstacles that hinder creative individuals from achieving their full potential. The central concept is “Resistance,” an internal force that prevents people from pursuing their passions and becoming the creative professionals they aspire to be. Pressfield emphasizes the need to recognize and fight against this resistance, often by adopting a professional mindset and consistently putting in the work”.
Basically, we are evolved to do what others want and expect, even if they don’t ask us to do it, because that’s how we stay in the “In Group”. Not doing “the normal” creates resistance which sometimes is described as the ‘internal editor’. A voice always telling you that you suck and that your art sucks and why did you ruin that piece of paper drawing that piece of crap god what a mess you are so selfish why don’t you give up?
In creatives - artists, authors, whatever - if that “internal editor” or “inner critic” is something you have, it only gets stronger when you resist it. The more you draw, the more you create, the stronger it becomes.
Rather than fight it, Pressfield’s suggestion is that you accept it as a friend and just let it natter away at you while you ignore it and get on with your drawing.
Another way of looking at this is the military slogan:
Embrace The Suck!
Or, as Lea Hernandez once said to me when I asked her how she got past her internal critic and learned to draw with joy;
Oh, honey. It only gets stronger. But you have to ask yourself; do you want to draw?
So … now you know you have one of those internal critics. And the more you fight it the stronger it will get.
But your creativity will grow too. You’ll be creating! The critic in your head will be screaming and tearing at the wall paper, but that’s its job. Let it do its job - just remind yourself you aren’t a caveman dependent on fitting in with the tribe in your mind to be able to get a mate and get food and not be cast adrift on an ice flow to die alone.
Find your own tribe. Find the tribe that is ok with what you draw. Or - if you’re really lucky - even kind of likes it sometimes. Let them be the tribe you are with.
Fuck that tribe that hates people who draw.
Put THEM on the iceflow in your mind. Do a full Cave Johnston and blow up THEIR HOUSE with those lemons!
Because, if you want to draw - if you NEED to draw, then you have to draw.
That resistance in your head’s only purpose is to make you feel bad about things you want to draw but haven’t. And when it does, you should draw those things. Because odds are your resistance is afraid of it because it’s the thing you should be drawing.
You can also find it for free on torrents, etc.
It should also be available at your local library. Or they should be able to get it in for you.
