Man, I wish learning I’m hypokalemic hadn’t come at so high a cost. It took me a long time to feel safe living in my own home again after the hack. I was thankfully given a small supply of Ativan to help me be able to sleep well again. What happened was that scary. I even thought I saw a person standing outside my bathroom, though it was hard to tell because my window is thankfully very thick and cloudy with the way the glass is. I was glad I had had it closed.
A couple things that helped me calm down. My mom said the people were there during the day, and they didn’t graffiti our house or anything, so maybe they didn’t really want to hurt me. And realizing if something happened at night, my cats would all come running into my room. That’s helped me sleep at night again.
And I don’t know which is worse. If the hacker is someone from here and somehow found out where I live, or if the hacker is local. I’ve never given out my address to anyone on here, so someone finding it is disturbing. Equally disturbing, the thought someone local could have decided to attack me for being a furry. I had this video pop up in my YouTube recommended for a good week or two beforehand: “The Furries that Want to Kill You”. I didn’t watch it, and after the hack, haven’t been able to find it.
It’s made me feel afraid to seek out friend groups online. Last year I had this Discord I was in with three other Lion King fans from years ago when we were on a now-defunct forum, and I thought I had re-connected with them and found a little group. Then it got deleted with no warning because it had been my friend and his two best friends and me being there was “awkward”. Then my friend blocked me a few weeks later. And now this happens with the little furry community I was invited to. But I’m still willing to give everyone here the benefit of the doubt and try again.
The hospital, too… It wasn’t a pleasant visit. They had me sign a consent form going in, but never told me for what. Then I, having PTSD, ended up getting manhandled, including by a cop. At one point they tried to lead me to a bathroom that had a little chair outside the door, and it culminated with me being held down by men. Sigh… I was doing better. I was getting out of my shell. I was less scared of people. I was dating people. And now I just don’t know anymore. Now I’ve been made to feel small and afraid like I was when something unfortunate happened to me in 2008.
I lost stuff, too. There was stuff on YouTube and Facebook that also scared me and seemed possibly related, so I deleted them. Thankfully, Facebook accounts exist for quite a while after trying to delete and are recoverable. But YouTube with the playlists I worked hard to build and all my subscriptions and everything… I don’t think I can get that back at this point.
I know I promised more positive posts on here. And there will be. This was just, so much and I kinda wanted to talk about it more. Thank you everyone here, for being so patient with me