Vent Thread

@FruityPWN
Yes, it likely is protection of some sort. Try to think about what that might be and what you might need to be told. I’d also advise you to work on calming techniques. Deep breathing, meditation. But you have to do them consistently to get their benefits. Try doing those a little every day, if you can.

I am still thinking about the rabies, I have a lot thoughts about it.

Spicy food has been helping me with my anger, I spilled my Carolina Reaper.

Something I’ll reveal about Texas…unlike California, they never collect recyclables. We get two garbage days a week and we’re expected to throw everything out.

There’s also a huge “bro” culture out here, some professionals aren’t very professional.

So tired…no apparent reason. I feel like I’m on autopilot.

This pain I feel…I should be numb to it, but I’m not. Is this vicious cycle all there is to be or not to be? I feel like just crying until I can’t physically cry anymore, but alas, I am dry. Am I just weak for just wanting to love and be loved and care and be cared for? Like…cradled and held sort of cared for or just desired really. Ever since they left, I’ve been so empty inside and I can’t think thoughts no more because I think I forgot how to forget and forgive myself. I just want to be loved but I don’t want to be hurt anymore. Loving myself is good if someone doesn’t have options. It’s the same story every time, just different circumstances. Maybe it’s not them but it’s me. I dunno anymore. I shouldn’t care, but I do and it hurts.

@FruityPWN
You are feeling the great pain of a broken heart and lovesickness. I know those pains all too well. Hang in there 🫂

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
It’s been a little while, I shouldn’t feel this way. There is nothing more for me, it feels.
I do like hugs though…
🫂

@FruityPWN
Women do that to you.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
And men cuss at you and turn terrifying. People suck. The world could use a big ol’ dose of softness and kindness but at least I’m adding my tiny dose by being soft and kind.

We be the change we want to see.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
I’m always terrifying, why bullshit.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
Yeah but at least you’re terrifying in the fun way

I can be terrifying in my own ways.

@FruityPWN
I’m not saying you should be terrifying.

I find it better to be angry than sad, and that anger needs an outlet that depression can’t fill.

Since official reporting of such things may be low to nonexistent: reminder that bird flu is still going around afaik, and I just read that Ebola has shown up in Uganda.

My general advice is to always mask up if you’re going to be around people in public, though open-air walks have proven safe for me thus far. I pass minimal people during my walks so of course, if you’re in an area where you might pass a lot of people, mask is probably a good idea there too.

Looks like it’s straight alcohol.

Macaroni, autistic nazi food, looks like a hundred windpipes staring at me, I’m gonna smack God in the face for these abominations, if I had pants that fit I’d get something from the gas station instead of this necrotic squish, guess my insides turn sideways again from leftover Pizza Hut, why do people keep trying to knock my teeth out? Wreched mortals, my uncle is CEO and sends me peanuts for Christmas.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
A love of money corrupts the hearts of mortals so that they are not helping those who don’t have money anywhere near as much as they should. They are beginning to be shown that this has been a mistake, as those of us without much money are many, and they are few. Expect many more teachings of this lesson to come. No Buy Mondays is beginning to catch on!

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
I hate Hamburger Helper.

I’ll eat anything put in front of me.

I also realized the reason why I feel so numb lately…

@FruityPWN
I’m a very picky eater, heh. Lacto-vegetarian and quite picky within that. Wanna go full vegan but I have a medical need for calcium and vegan food tends to be more expensive. So I’m waiting for the world to catch up with me on those things.

And my thirteen million scoville hot sauce has arrived, that would account for another suicide attempt.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
There’s calcium supplements out there.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
Thing is, I’m unsure whether they’d be enough. The thing that sucks the most about being on chemo for a decade is I’m pretty sure I’m the only purrson who has been on chemo for a decade. There’s no precedent for what my body needs or might need. Until something better comes along, I’m a guinea pig.

Honestly I’m really curious about where my vitamin levels stand. I was in pretty ill health last year when they were tested.

The orange is going rogue.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
I’m very weak and get tired easily, I blame it on sodium and electrolytes, but I think it’s more like a B12 deficiency or something like that, drink a ton of water and I’m still thirsty.