Elly Catfox 
…I can’t live like this anymore… I don’t want to live on this planet anymore… Contradictory as usual… I want to get away and be alone but I want friendship and a place… I want purpose but I want freedom… Why… Is there something wrong with me or is it the world??? …maybe both…
I don’t… I don’t know… I don’t know anymore ….. I’m… I’m not fighting anymore….. I just… I never knew what was going on and I can’t truly rest until I figure it out………
nya
Do you ever just stare out the window
I look out there tonight and wonder what happened to us
I used to think anything was possible, that there was an adventure around every corner and I just had to go find it. I used to think I might even find someone out there to make friends with… Just chat and be human with… Sometimes I did.
I remember being a kid and one of the things that made life more bearable was when you found someone who was friendly and you could just do things together. You didn’t question why you did them too much. You either did them or you didn’t, but more often than not you just did them and you were happy to have found someone to hang with. It was hard, finding and maintaining friends… I had a lot of different viewpoints on the world from most peoole… I think I did the finding friends thing okay back then though. I out myself out there and found other rejects who put themselves out there too… It was more quiet then. I don’t know why I couldn’t maintain them for too long… Something always drifted after long. I felt too bad to keep up the energy to keep in touch…
And now I just look out the window tonight and I don’t understand these feelings and these thoughts… And then the mind just kinda drifts and…
I don’t know, but I don’t want it to be over. It’s like if I leave the window and go to bed, I’ve given up and the clock ticks a day closer to death. Before I know it I’ll be 52 and 26 years will have passed in the blink of an eye just as the last 26 have. Still searching for something, like a dog you loved ran away… and I have to keep looking for it… I’ve been searching for so long that I don’t remember what I’m searching for. I don’t know if I ever knew. I just knew I didn’t like it here. This society of hierarchies and formal business… Of endless greed and vanity… I never wanted this… I didn’t ask to be born into this… If you’re going to give me this at least give me someone to hold onto for dear life because I don’t want this… :’( I don’t want this anymore! Stop it. Make it stop!!!!! :’( I can’t live like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I look out there tonight and wonder what happened to us
I used to think anything was possible, that there was an adventure around every corner and I just had to go find it. I used to think I might even find someone out there to make friends with… Just chat and be human with… Sometimes I did.
I remember being a kid and one of the things that made life more bearable was when you found someone who was friendly and you could just do things together. You didn’t question why you did them too much. You either did them or you didn’t, but more often than not you just did them and you were happy to have found someone to hang with. It was hard, finding and maintaining friends… I had a lot of different viewpoints on the world from most peoole… I think I did the finding friends thing okay back then though. I out myself out there and found other rejects who put themselves out there too… It was more quiet then. I don’t know why I couldn’t maintain them for too long… Something always drifted after long. I felt too bad to keep up the energy to keep in touch…
And now I just look out the window tonight and I don’t understand these feelings and these thoughts… And then the mind just kinda drifts and…
I don’t know, but I don’t want it to be over. It’s like if I leave the window and go to bed, I’ve given up and the clock ticks a day closer to death. Before I know it I’ll be 52 and 26 years will have passed in the blink of an eye just as the last 26 have. Still searching for something, like a dog you loved ran away… and I have to keep looking for it… I’ve been searching for so long that I don’t remember what I’m searching for. I don’t know if I ever knew. I just knew I didn’t like it here. This society of hierarchies and formal business… Of endless greed and vanity… I never wanted this… I didn’t ask to be born into this… If you’re going to give me this at least give me someone to hold onto for dear life because I don’t want this… :’( I don’t want this anymore! Stop it. Make it stop!!!!! :’( I can’t live like this anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
…I can’t live like this anymore… I don’t want to live on this planet anymore… Contradictory as usual… I want to get away and be alone but I want friendship and a place… I want purpose but I want freedom… Why… Is there something wrong with me or is it the world??? …maybe both…
I don’t… I don’t know… I don’t know anymore ….. I’m… I’m not fighting anymore….. I just… I never knew what was going on and I can’t truly rest until I figure it out………
