Why me?

I just want to live a nice and quiet life, but the stress is really starting to get to me. I really should look on the positives, but every time I catch a moment, something else happens. Just when I was coming down, I discovered somebody I know that I like quite a bit might not make it very much longer, along with someone else whom is in a similar position is basically disregarding me and everyone else close to them. Had another mental breakdown and I’m not sure if my heart can take much more.

@Elly Catfox
Woof.

Every night I always anticipated and waited for an painful headache after a day, always thought of the amoeba is gonna kill me.

I have a bad feeling this day.

@FruityPWN
Let me bear the burden of the purrson you like. Strength in the face of this disease is something I’ve spent the last decade training for. Either I am capable of faith healing, or they’ll at least have me around and won’t complete their journey through The Circle of Life alone.

I want to talk to them about it and see if there aren’t any options they might have that haven’t previously been considered, but they still haven’t told me about their disease in the first place. They don’t know that I know, and I want to let things happen on their time.

Not many people can handle this, but I can. I realized a little while ago that listening to MCR’s “Cancer” as many times as I have has made me far more emotionally stable about the disease. Shadow work pays off 🖤

My neck and back feel like somebody is sticking me with a hot iron…been this way for days.

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
Sadly, there are two, but this is only one…still, your efforts are greatly appreciated and do not go unknown; I might not be the best at either expressing myself nor these sort of troubling situations, though I do apologize in advance if it seems like I am ungrateful.

This individual goes through these depressive spells and is always begging to either be forgotten or death, not to mention they often don’t let someone help them because of past trauma, which is unfortunate, but that’s, unfortunately, a terrible trait I used to have. Still…I really hope they get better.

As for me, well…I’m currently still experiencing extreme stress and now I’m having some physical issues that I didn’t have before the stress took over…not to mention the sudden lapses in memory too. I do not want to forget or be forgotten, as I have athazagoraphobia along with other phobias that I don’t know how to overcome, such as isolophobia…(I have at least more than two dozen known phobias that aren’t easily fixed with things like exposure therapy or reverse psychology.). Still, I’m trying to persevere. We are coterminous. There is no distance between us.

@FruityPWN
No one more qualified than myself to help them through their depressive spells. I’ve been on a journey of becoming a depression healer since 2011. I’m used to the traumas people have at this point. I’m sure it will be ugly and will be a process, but they could use someone like me who is very unlikely to give up on them. They say they’ve been abandoned by lots of friends.

But they ain’t never had a friend like me!

@StrangeKittenOfTheFabulousKilljoys
Then, maybe it’s only just that we have crossed paths. <3

🎵 It’s not over til you’re underground
🎶 It’s not over til it’s too late

I think I’ve sealed my fate for showering.

Ate a bunch of food, but I don’t feel satisfied…

Just gave them an ultimatum…I dislike doing that.
It’s ten days until I level up.

It’s gonna take more than 95% alcohol to kill me.

Is that the strongest this world has to offer?

If only I had some Carolina Reaper to go with this.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
The dragon energy is stronger than the alcohol!

Somehow I’m still alive.

@ChickPea
The fourth dimensional construct of time is nebulous and ever-changing, but not impenetrable. Not only was I not seeing you die to amoeba beforehand, but I used the key elements of water and metal to help shift you onto a protected path. I now do not see your life ending anytime soon. Your water should be safe. Do remember to not take that for granted, though - keep looking both ways before crossing the street, and other commonly-used safety measures.

Paths as we see them often differ from what we see. When I began chemo, I instantly got the sense that it would cause an internal organ of mine to have problems - a scary, life-threatening thought indeed. I learned I was right this year, but that internal organ is my stomach. With carefulness until I see doctors about it, I will survive what seemed like an alarming fate.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I’m not sure my timeline would have continued if I hadn’t been fortunate enough to meet someone whose survival and prepper past hadn’t inspired me to think that way when I came down with listeria last summer, as well as it being because I met them that I got put on the path towards getting on meds that helped me remain much more rational in a dire situation. Luck be a superpower of mine indeed, nya!

I just got two messages on Xbox while watching Hulu. Some spammers (read: scammers) want to “buy” my Xbox Live account.

Seven days…

I have played Half-Life 2 to celebrate it’s 20th anniversary, decided installed some of two mods to enhance the game. The krystal mod and the entrophy animations mod, though the krystal mod is a model change, not the complete entire replacement for alyx. Currently I’m in the Route Kanal level of the game.

Ah I get it now! I’ve bled a bit because I’m still injured from the listeria that burned my insides last summer. That’s why it’s been on my mind again so much. Remember, I had throwing up and diarrhea for around an entire month, and I’m on chemo which inhibits my body’s ability to repair itself. The break from chemo I’ve been taking will help, and I’m doing okay thus far on the pizza-based diet I’ve been put on.

Well, it turns out Bob Bryar has been dead for almost a month and we’re only just now hearing about it. Part of me is sad we lost a contributing member to my favourite album, but part of me struggles to feel much about it, because one of his most recent tweets was him celebrating that he can use a slur again. Another life stolen by the MAGA hat, most likely. We don’t know the cause of death but, being in that hateful environment only made the man’s struggle with mental health worse.

Hence, why I refuse to stop trying my best to be here for my mom.

Bob couldn’t let go of his hate, and in the end, it destroyed him. That’s why I try not to get involved with anything that is blindly hating entire groups of people, and try to live by love instead.

Pinched the fuck out of my finger, pops had a broken A/C in my window I vowed to yank out today. Then mom had me get a lizard out of the kitchen sink, its tail broke off because I couldn’t grab properly.

It’s been a long day trying to get my bed cleaned up for the cold front coming in, there’s a lot of blankets to wash that the dog likes to bundle up in.

@𝕭𝖆𝖉𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙
Sending strength and positivity your way ::3

It’s interesting, actually. A few days or so ago, I was thinking about how if I were to die, nobody would really know. My mom would but, she wouldn’t know how to get the word out to all my friends. And now I come to find out, I was feeling Bob Bryar’s energy as he died alone. Maybe it was even him, who helped set my mom and I on the path towards going and seeing Wicked. The afterlife is, after all, about trying to repent for misdeeds done while alive.

To center back on the now, my stomach still seems to be doing well, and my scar’s looking okay ::3